|Move over, Joan and Melissa|
By Dan Shanoff
Page 2 columnist
Live from watching the red carpet on TV in a cramped apartment, it wouldn't be a star-studded night of sartorial awards-show splendor without Page 2 putting on its best Joan Rivers face (we got an old one from her plastic surgeon's Dumpster) and giving the once-over to the celebs on the carpet at the 2002 ESPY Awards:
Considering his girlfriend Carol Alt is a model, actress and no stranger to red carpets, Alexi Yashin deserved better advice than to be the only athlete featured in a full-on my-dad-lent-me-the-car-for-the-prom bow-tie tuxedo. ... If it's possible, Sarah Hughes managed to maintain the adorableness from February in a simple red dress. ...
Meanwhile, white ties were all the rage with the great QBs -- from the Zegna-dressing, girlfriend-dissing Tom Brady to the "my wife dressed me, thank God, but our hair is still a little too similar" Kurt Warner. ... Speaking of 'dos: Incredibly enough, Bruce Jenner's hair is exactly the same as it was in 1976. ...
More on hair: Ohno! Goatees are out, Steve Nash co-opted your stylist and short-track speed-skating will be hip again in, oh, four years. ... If you were watching the E! red-carpet show, you caught a glimpse of Gary Payton dressed in a jaw-dropping black leather coat with wide white pinstripes, combined with a white T-shirt. He looked like an extra in the Shaq Shaft-parody Burger King commercial. ...
And finally: it was a coming out party for WNBA star-in-making Sue Bird. Now if she'll only drop that flake Nick Carter. ...
Other notable celeb sightings: Vivica A. Fox looked just that in a revealing low-cut red number from some designer appropriately named Dan. ... We can't say enough about one of our all-time awards-fashion faves, Angela Bassett, who brought the glitter to the show in a stunning lace/sequined combination. ...
Could newlywed Shannon Elizabeth have looked any hotter than in that blue dress she had on? ... Heidi Klum, dressed down in a white tank top and some jangly belt by Chanel. Surprised Joan by "revealing" that she's been married for five years. ...
Brian McKnight -- apparently a tough matchup on the L.A. celeb-hoops scene -- brought out an original purple look. (More props to the NBA champs?) ... Again we ask: why is Sue Bird with Nick Carter? ...
The Spouses, Siblings and Significant Others
Meanwhile, Joan managed to steam The Rookie, when she asked Mr. Quaid if he and his date-slash-girlfriend, Anna (in a simple-yet-pretty purple dress) were "serious." Yikes! ...
Among the other notable companions were Mrs. Curt Schilling in an interesting black look and the whole Ripken clan, looking sharp. One question: Where was Angie Harmon, Jason? She's a fan fave!
ESPY host Samuel L. Jackson
Props to SLJ and the production team for the insert-Sam-into-popular-sports-movies segments, one of the highlights of the show.
All-ESPY Fashion Team (Men)
Samuel L. Jackson
All-ESPY Fashion Team (Women)
Tom Brady's sister
Kelly Clark (Action Sports Athlete of the Year)
Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2. His "What's Hot, What's Not" trend-spotting list appears each Thursday. He most recently waxed sartorial about the 2002 NBA Draft attendees, and he sincerely hopes that Joan Rivers never interrogates him about his love interest on national TV.