What the heck were the producers thinking when they committed $13 million to turn "The Lord of the Rings" into a musical scheduled to open in the spring of 2005 in London's West End?

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A. "In the first act, Frodo can't afford to pay his rent, which makes him look for some rings he can pawn . . . "

B. "Because, really, who wouldn't want to see little creatures with big, hairy feet dancing for three hours?"

C. "Okay, so the Ewok and Gremlin musicals flopped. But the third time's the charm."

D. "We're thinking of using a fresh hip-hop approach. You think we can get Eminem to play Frodo and Dr. Dre to play Gandalf?"

E. "We throw a few ABBA songs into the mix, and the rest writes itself."

F. "Our second choice was a musical version of 'Dude, Where's My Car?'"