What the heck was Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher, who was romantically linked to Hilton last month, thinking when he heard about the tape?

	Somewhere right now, Keyshawn Johnson is crossing his fingers and buying a video camera.

A. "I thought it was weird when she kept asking if we could break down some 'game tape.' "

B. "Crap, I thought I was dating Nicky the whole time."

C. "Wow, this is even cooler than when Cade McNown stole Heather Kozar from Tim Couch."

D. "Just because I was seen publicly making out with Paris in Vegas, and she was then seeing wearing my jersey in a private box during a Monday Night Football game ... doesn't mean that I've actually ever met the woman."

E. "That explains why she kept asking me to meet her in the AV department at Best Buy."

F. "What can I say, you know the universal rule: chicks dig Chunky Soup."