ESPN

DJ Gallo

  (4:05 PM)

Hello, SportsNation. It's been a long time since I've been here. My visa was revoked. But I tunneled back in. Let's chat.

Patrick Pittsburgh, PA

So the Dallas Pittsburgh game was tied 3-3 at the half, Dallas mounts 2 solid drives in the third quarter, Pittsburgh mounts 2 solid drives in the 4th quarter, and then Townsend picks off Romo to win the game. How exactly did the story become Dallas giving the game away?

DJ Gallo

  (4:07 PM)

I think it's more that the first few chapters of the story were already written thanks to Tony Romo repeatedly giving away games in December and January. It is sort of a come-tragedy. This latest game was just a bit of a twist where the opponent took the game, too.

Chris (Charlotte, NC)

DJ, if you ever satire my beloved Panthers again, I swear by Sir Walter Raleigh I will throw a souvenier cup at your stylishly stubbled face!

DJ Gallo

  (4:08 PM)

That stubble is not for style. It is for protection from you insane Panthers fans and your commemorative, plastic cups.

Joe (MD)

DJ, not sure if you're aware of this, but it's been 42 days since Philly last won a championship! Feels weird saying that and interestingly enough, I already want a Philly team to win another. What's happening to me?

DJ Gallo

  (4:09 PM)

Looks like there won't be a Philadelphia Soul title this year. Ha-ha! It's been 100s of seasons since Philadelphia has gone back-to-back, if ever. The humanity!

Philadelphia, PA

Is Jimmy Patsos a good coach or a great coach?

DJ Gallo

  (4:10 PM)

This is sort of like Tonya Harding. Do people remember that Nancy Kerrigan never won a gold medal, or that she was hit in the knee with a pipe?

Gerald (Milwaukee, WI)

How come you always talk about Raymond on your website, but never that much on espn?

DJ Gallo

  (4:12 PM)

I will admit that I am somewhat obsessed with Raymond. But you have to realize that ESPN is a respected SPORTS empire. My love of Raymond Burr has nothing to do with sports.

Tommy (NJ)

Hey DJ - Ryan Gosling called he wants his look back

DJ Gallo

  (4:13 PM)

Hey, Tommy in New Jersey - The rest of the nation wants its trash back.

Steiny (NYC)

What are your thoughts on Star Berry?

DJ Gallo

  (4:14 PM)

Far less effective for weight loss than Star Caps.

Patrick Pittsburgh, PA

Did Plax raise the stakes for all NFL players? Is Pac Man gonna have to hijack a bus full of orphans and drive it into the sun?

DJ Gallo

  (4:16 PM)

I like that idea. The key is that he has to do it wearing sweatpants. Both because Plaxico set the bar with sweatpants. And, if he's driving into the sun, regular wind pants would be terrible, because they could melt onto his legs.

Brittany (Maryland)

Will you marry me?

DJ Gallo

  (4:17 PM)

Wasn't one crazy-rad dude like K-Fed enough for you? I don't know if I'm man enough to rock a chinstrap beard.

Marc, Boston, MA

Ahem, will you marry ME?

DJ Gallo

  (4:18 PM)

I guess I'd have to come to Massachusetts to do that, right? And we definitely can't get it done in California.

Chris (Detroit)

Something seems different about your ESPN picture. I can clearly see little white lines and what appears to be the top of your zipper. It is no longer ambiguous as to whether you are wearing a turtleneck or a zip up tracksuit. Why do you hurt us like this, Gallo? Why?

DJ Gallo

  (4:20 PM)

See, I told you all along that it was not a turtleneck. It is definitely a zip-up. Unfortunately, it is an Elvis-esque full-body jumpsuit, and that zipper start mid-crotch.

Dale Jr.

What do you think about the drug testing program in NASCAR? Its tough making all those left turns without something to keep it interesting.

DJ Gallo

  (4:22 PM)

Why would anyone in NASCAR take steroids? And, if they did, would it help? I guess they would be able to hold more sponsor products in the air at once at the conclusion of the race.

Stoner (NYC)

Be sure to give us a shout-out at 4:20 because, as you know, we are the only people that find your material funny.

DJ Gallo

  (4:22 PM)

It's 4:20.

Jill (Portland, OR)

Seriously... your picture looks nothing like you in your videos. What's up with that?

DJ Gallo

  (4:24 PM)

Do you mean my videos from The HotList on ESPNews or my YouTube music videos doing covers of 1980s love ballads?

mike (ca)

how does plax get into clubs with sweatpants?

DJ Gallo

  (4:26 PM)

Maybe it was an exercise club with a cafe that serves alcohol. Maybe it was all the people who were wearing nice pants we should be mocking. And then also, of course, Burress still for shooting himself in the leg.

Ryan (Madison, WI)

Why weren't you on Barbara Walters' show about the most fascinating people of 2008, huh?

DJ Gallo

  (4:27 PM)

I was supposed to be. But I couldn't understand her message on my voice mail, so I just deleted it.

Ben (Charlotte)

Do you think Harris Smith and Ron Mexico were dining together at Applebee's?

DJ Gallo

  (4:29 PM)

If they were the two guys signing and playing guitars in those Applebee's ads, I hope they are locked away for life.

Black Dog (Skid Row)

Almost 30 minutes into the chat and not mention of hobos. You suck, Gallo!

DJ Gallo

  (4:29 PM)

Don't anger me, Black Dog. I know where you "live."

Steiny (NYC)

Why was your Wikipedia deleted?

DJ Gallo

  (4:30 PM)

I encouraged my readers to go in and change it around and make things up. Wikipedia didn't find that funny, so they took it down. You know, because Wikipedia is really strict about accuracy.

Patrick Pittsburgh, PA

Why is hockey the only sport that not only tolerates, but supports fighting in the game? Is it because no one is afraid of Canadians doing anything interesting, let alone dangerous?

DJ Gallo

  (4:32 PM)

Whoa, whoa. Not dangerous? I give you the Royal Mounted Police. Their uniforms are: a) interesting; and b) maybe not dangerous, but at least stylistically risky.

Bob(Lowell)

The guys in the Applebee's ads were singing not signing. They are idiots, not deaf mutes.

Tim Tebow (A Golden Cloud Surrounded by Rainbows)

After I win the Heisman again this Saturday and the BCS Title in January, what should my next feat be?

DJ Gallo

  (4:33 PM)

Learning to throw spirals on 60-percent of your passes instead of just 50.

Matt (Grand Rapids)

Gallo, have you heard how to come up with a hobo name for yourself? You take whatever surface your feet are touching followed by a random body part followed by your third grade teachers last name. Mine is Carpet Mouth Rocco.

DJ Gallo

  (4:34 PM)

Wood Arm Shuttlesworth. Oh. Yeah.

Ben (Charlotte)

Politics: your thoughts on Obama's cabinet selections?

DJ Gallo

  (4:35 PM)

Just a minute. I first want to talk about abortion, religion and the BCS.

College Student (Dorm)

(reading DJ Gallo's post, suddenly regretting Wikipedia citations)

nick (albuquerque, nm)

Travis Hafner's IQ is 110

andrew (corpus christi, tx)

did you major in journalism? and if so, at what university?

DJ Gallo

  (4:37 PM)

I majored in Mass Communications. I am really good at breaking the bread and giving people wine. (Thank you. I will be hear all hour.)

Mike, LA

Besides the fact that he is probably 47, do you think Vlad Guerrero rides horses all winter? How else could he have come to walk like he's sitting on a saddle 24/7?

DJ Gallo

  (4:39 PM)

I think the fact that his batting helmet is clearly covered in horse dung lends credence to your theory.

David (elon, nc)

abortion, religion and the BCS. How are you going to fit Shaun Kemp, Jon Kitna, and Mack Brown in the same sentence?

DJ Gallo

  (4:40 PM)

It shouldn't be hard. I am sure Shawn Kemp is related to them somehow. His family tree has grown quite expansive.

Billy(SD)

Pleae help! I keep having dreams where Jay Cutler is shambling towards me slowly moaning "I want to eat your brains". I think the real Cutler looks scarier though.

DJ Gallo

  (4:42 PM)

Why? Is it his bangs that scare you? Then steer clear of John Parker Wilson.

Shawn Kemps 37 kids (everywhere)

Shawn Kemp doesn't believe in abortion!

DJ Gallo

  (4:43 PM)

I guess that makes him a VP candidate in 2012.

David (elon, nc)

Any advice to people trying to get into this field?

DJ Gallo

  (4:45 PM)

Start a website/blog to develop your writing style and build up an audience. That's what I did and look at me now: I'm answering questions on how to get into this field. I never imagined my career would ever amount to something as exciting as that!

Ned (Springfield)

If you were a competitive eater, what would your specialty be? My guess, from looking at your picture, is scones.

DJ Gallo

  (4:46 PM)

Not a scone fan. I think chunks of stale bread should be less expensive than regular bread, not more.

Jeff (Fort Worth, TX)

Have you seen Sports Soup? I watched about 4 minutes of it and then wanted to jam a soldering iron up my nose.

DJ Gallo

  (4:48 PM)

I saw one of the ads for it once. It didn't look too great. You know who I think needs to get a show? Mr. Frank Caliendo.

J.B. (Dunmore, PA)

What is the difference between a scone and a tea biscuit?

Steiny (NYC)

Do you like Frank TV?

DJ Gallo

  (4:52 PM)

I have not seen it. I can't imagine he can be funnier than Rich Little, though, am I right?

John, NY

Tony Romo's IQ is 124. Do you think you are smarter? Are you at least smart enough not to throw it right to an opposing player with the game tied in the 4th quarter?

DJ Gallo

  (4:52 PM)

It was Jason Witten's fault! Romo told him before that series to put on his special 4-foot platform spikes and he didn't do it!

John (Williamsburg, VA)

Who is your favorite WNBA player?

DJ Gallo

  (4:53 PM)

I like the one that falls down a lot.

Jim (Philly)

Just noticed you were talking about Applebees before. You should totally start calling that fine dining establishment "Crapplebee's" like I do. You know, "Let's head over to Crapplebees for some crappetizers!"

DJ Gallo

  (4:55 PM)

That gives me a good idea: I think I'm going to open a chain of eclectically-decorted suburban family restaurants that serve nothing but scrapple. It will be, of course, Scrapplebee's. And all of the dishes will be named after white wide receivers. "Our special tonight is the Wes Welker."

Jeff (Fort Worth, TX)

What will you miss most about the AFL?

DJ Gallo

  (4:57 PM)

The CIO.

Dan (Philly)

Scrapplebee's Waiter: I'm sorry sir, but we are out of the Ricky Proehl, may I suggest the Ed McCaffrey?

John (Albuquerque, NM)

Don't forget the Steve Largent made with molasses, honey and stick-em!

Justin (Lexington, KY)

will you please neglect to include this comment as well? i've read your site religiously since volume 2 (and went back and read volume 1 in my spare time). this has been like meeting mj just to see him ignore any comments i've made that i've personally found funny.

DJ Gallo

  (4:58 PM)

I don't know. I found this one to be your least funny comment. Kind of whiny and desperate, actually.

Any Chatter (Anywhere, USA)

*sets DJ up for slam dunk witty comment*

DJ Gallo

  (5:00 PM)

Oh ... and he fails to get even as high as the bottom of the net and blows out his knee upon landing. Was it an attempt at physical humor? No. It appears that he is both in severe pain and wildly incompetent.

Gary Bettman (NHL Commissioner)

Still remember me?

DJ Gallo

  (5:01 PM)

Only when you sit in a booster seat. When you don't, you are out of view and therefore forgotten.

The Suites (Bristol)

We're sorry DJ, but in these tough economic times we have to make a few cuts. Your satire just isn't making enough profit. We're gonna have to let you go.

DJ Gallo

  (5:02 PM)

I don't like suites anyway. I'll just take a regular room, thanks.

Mitch (SD)

At least Justin compared you to MJ. I would say you are more of a Detlef Schrempf

DJ Gallo

  (5:02 PM)

Agreed. My writing is definitely scrappier than he gave me credit for.

Jim (Philly)

MJ as in Michael Jackson, right?

nick (albuquerque, nm)

would you serve the Tyler Hansborogh special? or would it be off the menu because it is vastly over-rated?

DJ Gallo

  (5:05 PM)

Well, A) he's not a wide receiver. And B) Scrapplebee's would only serve scrapple-based dishes. I think The Hansbrough would be eyeball soup.

Steiny (NYC)

Do you think Hansborogh is going to be like Reddick. Great college player but horrible NBA player?

DJ Gallo

  (5:08 PM)

So what you are saying basically is ... JJ Redick in college : JJ Redick in the NBA :: JJ Redick's poetry : Walt Whitman's poetry.

Jason (Calgary, AB)

Could Detlempf Shrimp be a staple menu item at Scrapplebee's? Or at least a special feature on New Years Eve?

D.B.(Pittsburgh)

Does the Matt Jones dish come with a side of cocaine?

DJ Gallo

  (5:09 PM)

No. But you must pay in cash, because I would assume your credit card is being used for other purposes.

Henry C. (Seattle, WA)

Detlef wasn't scrappy. He was a finese player with DOPE MOVES!!!

DJ Gallo

  (5:10 PM)

Umm...I think you are forgetting that all white players have to be scrappy. Where are you from? Have you not listened to any game announcers?

Eric (Orlando)

Any idea why politicians are spending more time worrying about the College football bowls not being a playoff, instead of worrying on how to save our nations economy. I am al for a playoff, but the politicians need to get back to work on this nation, and let the experts in sports worry about what is best for college football.

DJ Gallo

  (5:13 PM)

What politician is spending more time doing that? (Outside of anyone in Texas, of course.)

Erin (Boston, MA)

Can you do something about the NFL pregame shows? They are useless.

DJ Gallo

  (5:15 PM)

I think there needs to be more people on set. Maybe they all can combine to form one ultimate pre-game show and they can just get up on risers and present their analysis in song like they are a huge choir.

Alex (Fairfax, VA)

When will Terry, Howie and Jimmie stop laughing about stuff that is not funny? Pregame show make up 30% Talking, 20% Video, 5.9% picks and explinations, 44.1% Laughing.

DJ Gallo

  (5:17 PM)

But you don't get it! They're having such a good time! That Terry is a kooky character!

Jim (Philly)

If Donovan McNabb becomes a pregame analyst when he retires, I will never turn my TV on again.

DJ Gallo

  (5:17 PM)

Yeah, he doesn't have near the personality of say, an Andy Reid.

Tim (New York)

Are you allowed to say anything negative about ESPN personalities?

DJ Gallo

  (5:18 PM)

DJ Gallo is wildly untalented.

Daniel (FW, TX)

Who has a bigger gripe...TX not being in the BCS champ. game or Boise out of the BCS all together?

DJ Gallo

  (5:18 PM)

I would say Texas for being forced to be associated with something as horrible as the BCS.

Joe (Phoenix, AZ)

What actual sports knowledge (if any) do you possess?

DJ Gallo

  (5:20 PM)

Do you want it all now? Do you want me to bullet each piece of information, or should I write it all out in paragraph form?

Jeff (Fort Worth, TX)

Daniel from FW, TX sits across from me at work. We just high-fived when we saw his post.

DJ Gallo

  (5:22 PM)

My fanbase has always pretty much been your office park.

Ben (Charlotte)

Hopefully it wasn't a Tiger Woods high five.

Mitch (SD)

Is Joe from Phoenix the sports police?

DJ Gallo

  (5:23 PM)

How much do YOU know about sports, Mitch? Citizen's arrest!

DJ Gallo

  (5:26 PM)

Okay, I have gone one full-hour past 4:20. That means that I did about an hour for those of you who took some time away. That means my requirements. Plus, SportsNation INS is banging at the front door of my rail car. "DJ Gallo is not here! My name is Wood Arm Shuttlesworth!"