Chat with Page 2's DJ Gallo
Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the award-winning sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He is also a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion. His first book -- "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck" -- is in stores now.
Send your questions now and join DJ to chat on Tuesday at 2 p.m. ET!
DJ Gallo (2:01 PM)
Hello, SportsNation. Let's get started. I assume your nation is also busily preparing for an inauguration.
Andrew Brown: (Hoboken, NJ)
Is Tim Tebow the next media darling in waiting since Fav-Ruh's luster is gone?
DJ Gallo (2:03 PM)
Well, many in the media clearly loves him already. But I'm not sure if Tebow has the media whore abilities that Favre does. I mean, he took what ... less than a week to decide he is coming back. What a loser. Favre would have made up his mind in the middle of summer break.
T.J. Olszewski (Cliffwood, N.J.)
So what exactly is this "busy schedule" you're carving time out of for this chat?
DJ Gallo (2:04 PM)
I have no idea. I think that was a clever jab from an editor. Well, I'll have them know that my next column will be filed with an additional typo and factual error! A-ha!
John, southfield, michigan
What credibility does Matt Millen have anymore as an analyst?
DJ Gallo (2:06 PM)
A lot. I think he is the best there is, to be honest. You see, you must view it like the Seinfeld episode where George did the opposite of his instinct. If Millen tells you Team X has to establish the run, then you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they must ignore the run and look to pass.
Brad in Red Deer
Are going to be on the Damesheck podcast this week. Missing the theme song and the witty conversation about the Steelers.
DJ Gallo (2:08 PM)
I did not know you could get wifi reception in a deer. (Wow. That was bad.) No, my BUSY schedule did not allow for the podcast this week. You'll have to look elsewhere for dual Steelers homerism in audio form.
Will (Richmond, VA)
If a co-worker claims that the Big East isn't the deepest basketball conference, is it ok to slap him?
DJ Gallo (2:09 PM)
Depends on the meaning of "deep." The way you mean it, it's the Big East. But if they mean deep as in the hole dug below a port-o-john is deep, then I'd go with the SEC right now.
Slugga Morris (Atlanta)
Me and Pacman got beef with you
DJ Gallo (2:10 PM)
Whoa, whoa. I don't know you that well. To me you are Mr. Slugger Morris.
Amro from Halifax, Canada
So, what are your picks for championship round and the Superbowl? and how do you feel about the possibility of having a uni brow Superbowl QB?
DJ Gallo (2:13 PM)
You'll have to wait for my predictions on NFL Live this Friday! (Not really going to be on NFL Live.) As for the unibrow, it is what it is. If he wins it all, I think you'll see young boys all across the nation growing out unibrows, teasing them up, dying them black, etc to be like NFL superstar Joe Flacco. It will be like the Dorothy Hamill (Peggy Fleming?) 'do of the '00s.
Bird Man (Alcatraz)
Is Sunday's Eagles-Cardinals matchup the best NFC Championship game ever?
Mike, Columbia, MO
Can we get the obligatory hobo joke out of the way now?
DJ Gallo (2:15 PM)
Sure. Two hobos walk into a bar. The bartender says: "What'll you have?" They say: "Anything." The bartender says: "Oh, right. You're hoboes. You're probably starving."
Joe (St. Cloud, MN)
What do you think the Vikings should do about there quarterback situation?
DJ Gallo (2:16 PM)
The Lions are expected to bring in Chargers defensive coordinator Ron Rivera on today for an interview for their head-coaching job. Why would anybody want to coach the Lions Gallo?
DJ Gallo (2:18 PM)
I'm not sure. But it does lead to other jobs. For instance, Marinelli already has another job. Morningwheigwamajama(or however that is spelled?) is gainfully employed. Mariucci is on the NFL Network. Wayne Fontes is ... I have no idea. But I always wanted Microsoft Word to come with a Wayne font. You could use it when you're writing about failure. Maybe he's working on that.
I just realized I let someone borrow your book and I never got it back. What should I do?
DJ Gallo (2:20 PM)
BUY another one. Do not, under any circumstance, get one at the library. Libraries are anti-capitalism. Actually, buy several in case you lose more. You could be the person who pushes my sales into double digits!!!
Do you think Tebow is going to bring jorts back into style?
DJ Gallo (2:21 PM)
Did you ever read the story about how Tebow took a pair of jeans and multiplied them into jorts and denim leggings? Modern day loaves and fishes.
What's bigger? The Lions' Mess or the mistake your parents made all those years ago?
DJ Gallo (2:22 PM)
Wow. Harsh. What did my sister ever do to you?
Steely McBeem (Pittsburgh, PA)
Its gonna be a cold one this weekend. DJ do you have any turtle necks that will fit over my grotesquely swollen head?
DJ Gallo (2:24 PM)
Oh, Steely, the last time you "stayed over at my place," I let you borrow some of my shirts, and you stretched out all of my neckholes.
How many times do you think Rickey Henderson will say "Rickey" in his induction speech?
DJ Gallo (2:24 PM)
It will be a good drinking game if you want to kill yourself. Or, if you are trying to stay sober, do a shot every time he says "I."
Angela, Youngstown, OH
I think I love you DJ
Who has ever had a worse performance than Jake Delhomme?
DJ Gallo (2:27 PM)
I'm not sure. It's definitely close. I think every time from now on when a player does something stupid in a highlight, Chris Berman should have to drop his Whoop-Whoop schtick and just go with Daylight Come and You Got to Delhomme. It's now associated more with disaster.
Jeff (Fort Worth, TX)
If the Eagles play the Steelers in the Super Bowl, what will be the clever name for the interstate championship?
DJ Gallo (2:29 PM)
There will be no clever name. And even if there was, it will be beaten into the ground non-stop for two weeks. "Hey, viewer, were you aware that Pittsburgh and Philadelphia are in the same state?" "Whaa? Why, I had no idea. Tell me more!"
The Real Angela, Youngstown, OH
DJ, stop posting things yourself under my name. My restraining order against you forbids that.
Tom Brady got engaged, surprised he's settling down?
DJ Gallo (2:31 PM)
Not really. A lot of guys settle down once they start letting themselves go. I mean, would it hurt to wash your knee now and then, bacteria boy?!
what do you think the Raiders need to do to have a chance at making the playoffs next year?
DJ Gallo (2:32 PM)
I think they need to start with more over-the-back flips to Sebastian Janikowski. No one will ever suspect the dumbest play ever to be run a second time.
Do you get most of your material from Seinfeld episodes the aired the night before?
DJ Gallo (2:33 PM)
Yes. That's why I haven't had anything to say since a Friday morning way back in 1998.
Trying to be an optimist, should I say Al Davis is free with his money and excited about winning, or should I just become an alcoholic?
DJ Gallo (2:35 PM)
I'd go with a little of both. And, yes, Al Davis is most definitely free with his money. The only problem is he spends that money on bejeweled lady glasses and shimmery track suits.
do you think Tebow went back to college because he wanted nothing to do with the lions?
DJ Gallo (2:36 PM)
Hard to say. I'm not sure the Lions would have taken him at the beginning of the third round.
Al Davis (NFL Films)
DJ Gallo must go down...and he must go down hard.
DJ Gallo (2:37 PM)
The autumn wind is a Raid-uh ... especially when you are downwind from a sewer.
Matt (Grand Rapids)
The shamwow guy is now doing other informercials. Do you see him and Billy Mays fighting to the death to determine who will sell the world crap on tv?
DJ Gallo (2:39 PM)
Did you know the ShamWow is made in Germany? That means it has to be good! (No?)
Jack Bauer (Washington, D.C.)
Dammit, DJ, we're running out of time!!!
DJ Gallo (2:41 PM)
Aren't you tired of all of your major life events happening in 24-hour increments? "24" is the "Speed 2" of television.
germany makes good things
John (Salt Lake City)
Who would win head to head Florida or Utah
DJ Gallo (2:43 PM)
We'll never know. But I'm going to say Utah because I have a soul.
Jack Bauer (Washington, D.C.)
If 24 is the Speed 2 of television than DJ Gallo is the Carrot Top of ESPN.
DJ Gallo (2:44 PM)
I am rather muscled. (I should probably mention that I have never seen 24. Uninformed opinions are kind of my specialty.)
bill (buffalo, NY)
who do you think is the of the Ravens Defense now, Reed or Lewis?
DJ Gallo (2:45 PM)
Not sure your exact question, but Ed Reed is by far the superior player. And has been for years. Ray Lewis can still to crotch thrusts to heaven and jump on piles like the best of them, but he's not in Reed's class.
I have 2 soles, but they both have holes in them.
If Ray Lewis is God's Linebacker, then who is the rest of God's starting line up??
DJ Gallo (2:49 PM)
I'm not sure. He is stocked at quarterback with Kurt Warner and a solid backup in Kitna and Tebow on the way up. I think defense will be the direction this year in the draft.
How many Nazi or racist jokes have you received since it was revealed that the Shamwow is made in Germany?
DJ Gallo (2:52 PM)
More than I care to mention. Of the number of questions submitted, I probably don't see two-thirds of them because of the quantity, about 32-percent of the remaining ones can't be printed on a Disney-owned website, and the remainder are from you, Larry (Minneapolis).
Now that Mike Shanahan is not a head coach, and provided he does not take a job this season, just how tan can he become? Do I smell a world record?
DJ Gallo (2:53 PM)
Oh, my. Fantastic question. I hadn't thought of this. I hope he doesn't overdo it. Shanahan jerky does not sound tasty.
Jake (VA Beach)
More than the number of racists slurs in Gran Turino? I swear he made some of those up himself!
DJ Gallo (2:54 PM)
Well, no racial slurs. Just stuff I can't really post. As for Gran Torino, I haven't seen the movie, but how do we know this isn't just a cranky, old man who happened to think up a way he could "artistically" say hateful things for six months of filming?
Does all Joe Flacco's strength come from his unibrow?
DJ Gallo (2:56 PM)
Yes. He is Unibrow Samson.
Safe for work, I promise...go to Google, type in how to find chuck norris, and click the "I'm feeling lucky" button. Hilarious.
Jon (Twin Cities)
I had read in a review that Gran Torino was filmed in 29 days.
DJ Gallo (2:58 PM)
So I guess they were on to Eastwood after a month. I bet he had some real choice things to say when they called him out. (Who's up for more slander of universally loved and respected elderly man? Anyone?)
Tom (San Antonio)
Is Rajon Rondo the Joey Fatone of the Celtics?
DJ Gallo (2:59 PM)
What? No. Glen Davis. Fat and not very good? Too obvious?
seriously.... Scrapplebee's, talk about it. lets go
DJ Gallo (3:02 PM)
Scrapplebee's? You mean my white receiver-themed restaurant? We are offering specials during the NFC Championship Game. $1 rail drinks every time Jerheme Urban or Kevin Curtis catch a pass.
Harris Smith (Applebees)
Are you making fun of me?
DJ Gallo (3:06 PM)
Well, SportsNation, another passionate hour here with you has come to a close. I must go now before my presence is discovered. (Jumps into hand-dug tunnel. Is attacked by rabid mole.)
Ian (Seattle, WA)
Are the operations manager and inside sales manager in my office having an affair?
DJ Gallo (3:07 PM)
Oh ... yes. Okay, now I'm leaving. I hope the mole has had it's fill of pale, thin flesh.