Well, hello again, SportsNation. Been a while. You appear to have packed on some pounds over the holidays. Lay off the web cookies! (Or at least empty your cache.)
By the way, it appears I'm chatting up against Colin Cowherd. I'm guessing I won't get the featured spot. Sigh. All I can do is hope he pinches a nerve and his arm goes numb. Then it's my time to shine!!!
Oh, and Colin has "The Herd". I have ... umm ... care to join my Gaggle? Gallo's Gaggle? That's ... catchy.
One other quick thing and then I guess I'll interact with you people. Ugh. Here is the link to today's Page 2 podcast: http://sports.espn.go.com/espnradio/player?id=4808391. So you can follow along with this chat AND listen to the dulcet tones of my voice at the same time. WHOA! Today I sang "Danny Boy" and a medley of Beyonce songs. And also wrapped up the BCS title game.
DJ, I'll join your gaggle.
You're dead, unfortunately. I'd ask your wife, Meg Ryan, to join. But she's absolutely hideous these days.
Would you rather be named Garrett Gilbert or Gilbert Garrett?
Which is worse, Mack Brown's end of the half play calling or getting kicked in the groin (I guess if you are a Texas fan it's the same thing)?
In all fairness to Mack Brown, he doesn't call their plays. You see, he doesn't get paid enough to do that.
If you go down with an injury is there a true freshman ready to step in for you?
All I have is a Great Dane. I don't think she communicates well. BUT ... I've never allowed her to type. Hmmm.
Tom Izzo calling out Wisconsin players at halftime for flopping "if you breathe on them" - petty, or awesome?
At least Michigan State fans can take comfort in knowing that Izzo will never leave for the NBA.
Are there any false freshmen out there?
Yes. Mostly in those sororities that only admit rich girls. Nothing like some surgery for Sweet 16.
Are there any truly fresh men out there?
Mostly in the early '90s. These were people who were formerly rad.
If Mike Leach becomes the next Raiders coach, will he put JaMarcus Russell in a closet?
Nobody puts baby-faced JaMarcus Russell in a closet!!! (Primarily because he can't fit in a closet.)
If you were on the Jersey Shore, what would your ridiculous made up nickname be?
Is this a serious question? Like DJ Gallo isn't ridiculous enough already.
DJ, do you want to have a fist pumping session with us? We need some help beating up the beat!
Let me finish spraying my hair. Get ready, ozone layer!!!
So, does Will Smith qualify as a constant true fresh man?
Uh...unless Shanahan brings Elway to QB methinks Skins aint doin nothing agree?
I think that's Danny Snyder's thinking. Remember, this is the guy who signed Bruce Smith and Deion Sanders years past their prime. If Daniel Snyder had your football card when he was a boy, he wants you to play for the Redskins. Suit up, Elway and Terrell Davis!
There aren't many things more enjoyable than listening to Bellichick whine about poor field conditions. His misery is my fulfillment.
Saban has another title, but Belichick has experience complete misery for 5 years now. There is a just God.
Danny Snyder thinks?
Who is this Julian Edelman guy?? He doesn't look like Wes Welker...
I'm sure you'll find him to be very much like Wes Welker. Don't worry. You know how Randy Moss would run a deep route and half the defense would chase after him, leaving the entire middle of the field open for Welker? I'm pretty sure Edelman can pull that off. HERO!
How has Scrapplebees been affected by Wes Welker's injury?
All New England locations have been closed.
Will you miss Zorn? Or will he live on in your heart?
Wherever there is football failure, there will be ZORN! Wherever there is a hilariously inept trick play, there will be ZORN! Wherever there is laughter, there too will be ZORN!
Shouldn't the Cowboys be grateful that Eagles employee only managed to *spit* on their star?
Exactly. I don't see the uproar over this. That was one of the classier things I've seen an Eagles fan do. DID YOU KNOW THEY THREW SNOWBALLS AT SANTA CLAUS! It's true! Ask any Eagles fan about it. They love this story.
Kirk Herbstreit thinks Jordan Shipley can be like Wes Welker in the NFL. Who do you think Jordan Shipley could be like if Jordan Shipley wasn't White?
This question is insane. Everyone knows you can only compare a player to another player of a similar shade. Please leave the chat. You have violated sports rules.
Your probably not right in the head if you think Alabama would've won that game if Colt was in there. Texas will be back next year you can count on it.
Hey! Who said I thought Alabama would have won that game? I think Texas actually would have won handily. Especially because Saban wanted to take the ball out of McCoy's hands with a few more failed fake punts deep in his own territory. That way you don't let Texas have long, sustained drives.
I am the most powerful man in this chat.
YOU DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!
Welker's a wimp. Wayne Chrebet would have ripped the flapping ligaments away, spit on it, put some tape on played the rest of the game.
Wayne Chrebet was so scrappy, he came from a college that doesn't even have a football program!!!
So... Jim Mora's gone as coach of the Seahawks. It's been a bad bad year for the Pacific Northwest.
Really? Isn't a year like this kind of average now?
Bad time to be named Jim?
If Texas fans want to play the what if game, then what if Sam Bradford would have played against Texas? Texas would have never been in the Rose Bowl vs Alabama!
And if Alabama fans want to play the what if game, what if Nick Saban actually honored contracts? Then they'd still stink. So I guess this year's title game was ... Oklahoma and Florida? Congratulations to both schools!
I hear the lead candidate to replace Tom Cable in Oakland is the ACTUAL stopwatch the Raiders use to time NFL prospects 40 yard dash times, your thoughts???
On a scale of 1 to 10, how creepy is it when I smile?
I don't know about creepy. But it seems quite painful for you.
If Joe Buck was running the HOF, would Todd Zeile have his "foot" in the door?
I don't know. But I hear Tony LaRussa wants Zeile to pinch hit this year.
Why is the Page 2 podcast so short?
It's supposed to be short. Get in, get out. Also, it's taped at 7:45 a.m., and I'm not pumped full of caffeine completely by then, so I usually nod off at about 12 minutes.
Did Seattle wait to fire Jim Mora until Holmgren announced that he would be keeping Mangini around?
You know what former Seahawks coach is available? His name rhymes with ZORN! Actually, it is Zorn.
Is it embarrassing that Enrique Iglesias obviously tries to look like you?
I know. Get a rat to chew that mole off your face, Enrique/me.
ha-HA! We hobos are far to crafty and rail-smart to fall for something like that.
Which would provide for a more entertaining passing game: Jets/Bengals this weekend or one of those old style electric football games with the oversized QB and the little, foam rubber footballs?
Electronic Football quarterbacks were far more accurate than Sanchez or Palmer. I'll go Electronic Football.
The Redskins fake field goal at the end of the first half of the Monday night game against the Giants is the funniest thing that has or ever will happen, right? Is there really a point of comedians to continue to try to make jokes anymore?
It wasn't so much a joke as performance art. ZORN! is on a whole different level. One day he will be remembered as the greatest comedian of all-time. Once people realize he's been joking this whole time.
how many lots hours of productivity are you personally responsible for?
Lots. (Typo ZING! I mean ... typo ZORN!)
Has anyone seen my heart?
Oh, come on, Colt. You were legitimately hurt. But, good news: You don't have a heart. Because you are fictional. No way someone named Colt McCoy who is the star quarterback at Texas is anything but a character in a bad sports movie.
Am I the only one who cannot stand Kurt Warner? Dude is a baby and what's with the gloves?
Hope you enjoy being on Satan's side on this opinion, Brian! Would you prefer Matt Leinart?? I thought not.
I don't get how the NBA works. Pulling a gun on someone in a locker room = no suspension. Firing imaginary six-shooter with your fingers during pregame introductions = indefinite suspension "or worse." Huh?
You don't get to be the commissioner of one of the four major sports by being smart, Mitch. I shouldn't have to cover these elementary concepts.
Deej, it's 70 degrees here today. Suck it, rest of country!!
Oh, yeah? Well, we'll have you know we are experiencing a very wet cold.
How can you hate Kurt Warner? I respect anybody who has the same haircut as their wife. Although for some reason he didn't follow her change in hair style for some reason.
Elvis' 75th! Holy Grbac!
Greatest. Ravens QB. Ever.
Are you planning on outlasting Cowherd in this chat showdown?
How's he doing? Is he tiring? My cut man is working on my fingers. They split open from all this typing. (I have very girlish, delicate fingers, you see. I'm an Internet writer.)
Come on, where's the hockey love? Halfway through the season and nothing since the season preview? Olympics coming up, Americans winning the world juniors? I always thought you were a hockey fan, or at least portrayed one on the internet.
I think it's more now that I play one in life but not on the Internet. Here's the thing about writing about hockey: lots of hockey fans don't really care for the jokey-jokes because they think you are attacking their (DISRESPECTED!) sport. It's a shame. Because I would love to make fun of Sean Avery more.
Looks like Colin's done, you win this time, Gallo.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Gaggle > Herd
I hope he knows where he stands now ... that he's off to host his national TV show. Which is after his national radio show.
Do you really want to go with 'Gaggle.'
No. But some people find DJ Gallo and His Merry Band of Hobo Readers to be inappropriate.
The only gaps bigger than the ones at QB in the Cincy/NYJ are in Michael Strahan's teeth!!ZORN!!!Oh, but that man is nicely lotioned.....
That was terrible. You may want to submit your resume to Strahan's sitcom. You would be their best writer.
What's that Gallo? Can't hear you from up here on Mt. Money
I SAID: "MY .. ." Ah, nevermind. You are pretty high up there. And as the podcast has proven, I don't quite have a booming voice.
Do the Nets have a chance to make the WNBA Championship Game?
How dare you disparage the WNBA in this manner.
If you chat longer than Dan Rafael, then you will have accomplished something
I am confident knowing that I now hold the record for longest chat in ESPN.com history. (Today.) (In this time slot.) (Woo.)
Hey DJ, when are you going to be making an appearance on Dameshek's accuscore podcast?
When can we expect to hear you on the new and improved Dameshek podcast?
It's improved? Well, I think you know the answer then. Never. (Ouch. Self-deprecating ZORN.)
You know who I miss? Keith Van Horn
I think the Mavericks still get to trade him whenever they want.
Watch Warner after an incompletion, always so angry with his receivers, I've never seen someone cuss so much without using actual cuss words. I'm pretty sure he's yelling Gaggle!
Well, he does have terrible receivers. But I'm going to disagree with you on the non-cussing. No one throws around a "Gosh golly geewillickers" like Eli Manning. "Fudge!"
As a culture, are we done inventing new sports? This stinks. Do you have any ideas?
I have one I'm working on called Basketball 2. It's great like regular basketball, only the last two minutes of every game aren't an unwatchable explosion of timeouts, fouls, commercials, and free throws. Here's the difference from regular basketball ... limit the number of timeouts and call an intentional foul an intentional foul. IT MIGHT JUST BE CRAZY ENOUGH TO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!
A buddy went to a Packers home game and 3/4 of the crowd looked like Holmgren and the rest looked like Andy Reid, including the women.
Which were the women, Holmgren or Reid? Details, man. Details!
Golly, DJ...what's with all of the animosity for the Cardinals QB? Don't all of these guys who are taking breaks from bagging groceries to communicate with you realize that they are only one shot away from being a QB in the NFL with a hot wife who sports the same haircut as Steve Nash, circa 1995?
Who does Notre Dame have at QB next year and how do you see their season going?
I don't know. And I see it not helping NBC's ratings.
My youngest son got the nickname "Crash" after breaking his arm for the second time. Now, I get people making Crash Davis jokes to me a lot, the most common being "He hit the bull...he wins a free steak!" After thinking a bit, though, I realized that my kid could do a lot worse than play minor league ball for 15 years while shagging a bunch of above average chicks along the way. Am I wrong for that?
Not at all. But you need to help him achieve this dream. Start teaching him how to hit. But not curveballs.
Okay, dear ones. I'm done. My time is ending. I feel like my name is Jim.'Til next time, SportsNation.