Hello, SportsNation. How did you do in the Olympics? What's that? ZERO medals? You're pathetic. Let's begin ...
It seems as though every great modern athlete has had a scandal during their career...Jordan had the gambling/imposed suspension rumors, Kobe accused of rape, several baseball players and steroid use, Tiger with his mistresses, what do you think will be LeBron's scandal?
Hmm ... good question. I think you left someone out, though. So my guess is that Lebron and Sidney Crosby will one day go on a nationwide -- no, CONTINENT-wide -- bank-robbing spree.
is it blaspheme to listen to another person's podcast while on a completely different person's chat?
Hey! Lookie there! The Friday Page 2 podcast is up on Page 2! So you can read my chat while listening to the sweet, dulcet tones of my voice. If you want to engage your other senses, I smell of musk. Muskrat, specifically.
We would've done better but we failed the drug testing.
Wait ... people reading a chat in the middle of the work day failed their Olympic drug test??? Not believable.
Why didn't anyone tell me fat guys could be Olympians? Did you see the porker driving the US bobsled?
That guy knows his way around a sled. Both of the bob variety and Santa's.
Is this the year the Pirates finish with a winning record?
DJ, is there anything that requires less skill than being the #2 or 3 guy in the 4 man boblsed? You push for 5 seconds and then ride down the hill.
Whoa whoa whoa. I like to have some fun at athletes' expense now and then, but we also have to show some respect now and then. There's way more to bobsled than that. They also have to scream.
Dear Mr. Manners,Over DJ Gallo's past few chat sessions, I have asked him questions under many different names and cities so he would be more likely to post a larger volume of my submissions. My scheme has worked, as Mr. Gallo has posted an average of five of my questions per chat over the past three chats. Although I feel honored that my submissions have been responded to by my favorite sports writer, I can't help but feel a bit guilty about my deception. Was I wrong, and if so, should I apologize to Mr. Gallo?
Hey, I don't mind. As long as you're posting questions I can actually answer. The delays between my posted questions are because I'm scrolling through question after question after question I would get canned if I posted, let alone responded, too. So thanks for giving me a few questions I can actually answer, Raul S. (Michigan), if that is your real name.
You's a funny guy..but you look like a soccer player..so I'm not sure I can like you
Thanks? I quit soccer when I was 8. To pursue Little League baseball. I think I look more like a Little Leaguer.
A 30 year old friend of mine showed up to a recent party with a hickey. Who is more to blame him or the broad?
I have no idea. I just want to point out that you used the term "broad". Apparently Anytown, USA is actually New York City circa 1934.
Dear Mr. Manners,I just punched someone in the face. Is that unbecoming for someone of refined manners? If so, how do I regain my reputation? Should I try out for Oregon football?
Let me put on my Mr. Manners glasses and suit jacket ... okay ... apologize for what exactly? People are talking about women's basketball. You should have done a jump-kick, too.
wildly popular Page 2 podcast?? Wildly popular where exactly??
I believe iTunes. I'm told it regularly hits the Top 10. It's no Zune rankings, but it'll do.
How much longer is Twitter going to survive now that Ozzie is Tweeting?
I don't think he can last on Twitter. There is a character limit, and the dirtiest curse words are pretty long. So what's the point?
When you were younger, if Twitter were around who would you be Twitter-stalking? @carriefisher? @deniserichards?
No way. All Twitter would do is confirm they're as dumb as we suspected. I find it's easiest to like people if I don't get to know them. That's why I have a ton of great acquaintances.
Why should anyone care about the NBA?
I've been watching more NBA than ever this year. It's fun to flip on the game and count the fans.
Are you and Philbrick in completely different locations for the podcast recordings or do you go over to Philbrick's house or something?
Completely different locations. Just two cans and one extremely long string. The day the podcast didn't record due to "technical difficulties" was because some idiot cut the string "'cause it was preventing him from opening his front door."
Shouldn't Tiger's people pay a man to come forward and say he slept with Tiger to really drive home the 'sex addict' angle?
That is great advice. (Actually, it's incredibly awful advice. But I'm hoping to encourage you to go into PR. Because with you as an athlete advisor, I would be supplied with material for the next 20-30 years.)
What was your immediate reaction to Crosby's goal in the Olympics? As an insane Penguins fan, I initially cheered, then looked around to make sure nobody was giving me a murderous look, then cheered again. I've heard a lot of good reflective analyses from Penguins/USA fans, but I'm curious about your reaction immediately after it happened
I was rooting for Crosby the whole tournament because I wanted to see him do well and didn't expect the U.S. to really be in it. Sooooo ... I'll just sidestep the question completely and conclude with: Ovechkin is a loser.
Based on how much snow I (and I'm assuming you) have had to shovel this winter and how hard it is, do you think shoveling should be an Olympic sport? If so, what should it replace? Or is it just another sport we can add so we can win more medals?
You assume I have snow?!?! That is geographyism! But, yes, I don't see why shoveling shouldn't be an Olympic sport. There could be an artistic element to it, too. So then Plushenko couldn't just barrel through with his snowblower and win the whole thing.
Are you a boozehound? If it's a problem then I'd understand, but I think you'd be a fun guy to drink with
Sadly, no. I don't sleep much, so when I have the opportunity to enjoy an adult beverage these days, I quickly become tired. Although that might mean I'd be even more fun to drink with. Because I'd be the sleeping guy you could write on with permanent marker.
Why do Penguins fans hate America?
I have to say, I've never understood why you have to root for someone JUST because they are from the same patch of soil you are from. If someone is unlikable (and not saying the U.S. hockey team was unlikable) why do I have to root for them? Was everyone rooting for Bode Miller back in '06? I mean other than because it's fun to hear the name "Bode"?
My girlfriend saw me reading one of your columns online recently and said "he's cute." i'm thinking of kicking your ass. How do i find you?
Thanks, but this probably happened before Valentine's Day. She may have been looking at the Mike & Mike ad that was all over the site.
You have got to be the slowest chatter ever.
Again: it's because a good 85-percent of the questions would get me fired.
In your opinion, where will Jake Delhomme throw his next interception?
It doesn't matter. Jake Delhomme will forever be throwing interceptions inside our hearts.
re: playing basketball against girls... a buddy of mine used to play on the all-guy squad that the Lady Vols would play against. He said they beat the Lady Vols pretty consistently. Not a professional team, but the Lady Vols are obviously one of the top 5 programs in the country. Guess that's not really a question.
So if they could beat Tennessee's women's team, that means they would still lose by about 30 to UConn's women's team. Whereas they would probably beat UConn's men's team by 30.
My grandpa rooted for the Germans in WWII, too.
I'm not sure if that's really an apples to oranges comparison. More like luging to fate-of-the-world comparison. So not very apt.
slowest AND worst chatter
It's obvious that Peyton Manning is a robot. Was his "surgery" a ruse to make him seem human to the public, or do you think he actually had a malfunction in the neck circuit that NASA needed to fix? Also, do you think I should use "ruse" more often in everyday speak?
No. I saw photos from the procedure and that neck panel looked very human.
Faver on Jay Leno. Best interview segment of our lives?
I forgot to watch. Or is it that I subconsciously don't hate myself? One of those.
DJ, I love your columns and the P2P. I really want to be around for the chat, but I have to take the GRE today. Should I blow it off to increase my S.Q. (snark quotient)?
Well, we're already 45 minutes into the podcast. If you waited this long to hear my answer, you're probably not smart enough to pass. So you should be fine.
What do you think of the NFl really trying to confuse us with Tayloy Mays' time? They say 4.43, but show video of him being ahead of a guy clocked at 4.34.
Maybe it was just a typo. 4.43, 4.34 ... easy mistake. It's good they didn't put a decimal in the wrong place cause a 43.4 in the 40 would probably kill his draft chances.
The pirates are 0-2 in spring training games so far, is it time to give up hope for a good year?
Why are you not counting their win on Tuesday over Manatee Community College? 6-1! They stuck it to those sea cows!
Just thought I'd let you know Towson is up 88-62 on UNC-Wilmington in the CAA Tournament.
I think the Academy Awards are overrated. My solution is for them to be replaced by an annually televised Page 2 Game Ball Awards. Thoughts?
This could work. If a person goes to long in their acceptance speech, instead of music being played, they are pelted with the award. I'd watch.
How much does it rule that UNC won't be in the NCAA tournament?
You want be laughing when they have back-to-back national titles! (The first letter in NIT is short for National.)
What should the Jets' Secondary be called with the addition of Cromartie? My vote is on 'Oh god where the hell do I throw this football to now?'
Well there's Revis Island. So I suppose the options are Cromartie Island, Cromarite Peninsula, Cromartie Archipelago or Cromartie Atoll.
Tell people you're not me. All the commentors seem to think I am.
Okay, you can stop sending in this question now. Please. Sorry, I don't read other columnists.
Should I take my econ final at 3 or leave for spring break now??
Chances are you can't afford to go on spring break, and economics class will only remind you of that. So definitely skip economics class and go on spring break.
Are you excited about the return of the Arena Football League? It should provide an employment opportunity for Lucifer (a.k.a. Tim Tebow) after being cut during he preseason.
I hadn't heard that it is coming back. Does this mean Bon Jovi has less time to record more music?
whats with the non posts? Hate Utah AND life?
Sorry, I didn't see your questions before. You need to relax. Be like Utah resident Barb Hendrickson and take some pills.
Where did Vancouver send their hobos during the Olympics? And how do they go about getting them back, ya know, due to the quota?
True story: the reason the fourth cauldron didn't come up during the Opening Ceremonies is because some hoboes were living down there and using the flame to cook their soups and stews.
What are your predictions for Tyson-Holyfield 3?
It will be like The Hangover, only they both will take punches as well as Ed Helms.
I can't wait til Tebow becomes an all-pro so I can laugh at all his detractors! hahahahaha!!
I think the CFL calls them All-Stars. ZING! No, I hope he does well, too. I think most people don't dislike him, just the media adoration of him. Stupid media with their adoration.
Do you deflect all serious questions with humour? Do you do this throughout the rest of your life, too?
[smashes watermelon with giant hammer]
Alright, loved ones. My time here is up. Thanks for the visit to SportsNation. And, again re: your poor showing in Vancouver, I hope you fire all your sports ministers just like Russia did. Buzz = Putin.