Hello, SportsNation. I'm back. I was supposed to chat here last Friday, but a real life problem came up and I had to back out. Apologies. (If only the real world was the utopia that is Sports Nation.) However, I still want to share all of my conference final picks from last week, so here we go: Canadiens, Sharks, Magic, Suns. BOOM! Winners. Let's begin ...
Am I the face of Cleveland again?
Let's see ... you live in Los Angeles. You own a soccer team in Seattle. And you wear lady glasses. Yet still you are the face of Cleveland again. So sad.
I've got an idea for a new TV show. Fear Factor: Philadelphia. Each show they stick the contests in Philly's stadiums wearing opposing team's jerseys and see who escapes without being assaulted. Too bad T.O. still isn't on Dallas. Escaping with your life wearing a T.O. Cowboys jersey would have to earn you something good.
HOW DARE YOU RIP ON PHILADELPHIA THIS WAY!!! Stuff like this happens in every city! It's completely normal for, in a 6-week period, a man to vomit on a little girl, a kid get tased on the field, and an out-of-town car to get destroyed.
Maybe I'm the millionth person to say this, but you don't sound like you look.
Ohmigod. Are you in my house? How do you know this information? I'm calling the cops.
Oh. Right. The podcast. Perhaps you listen to the podcast. Thanks? I guess? Are you making fun of my voice or not? I'm a tenor, if you must know.
who do you know at google, tim tebow is now the 3rd option when you type in "tim", props to you.
Unbeknownst to me while writing that column, Google's dropdown suggestions are based on where you are. So the fact that "tim tebow" is not #1 in Fort Lauderdale when you type "tim" is some amazing disrespect.
You're a golfer. How much do you hate Jordan Spieth, the 16-year-old that is about to make the cut at the Byron Nelson?
There is a 10-year-old girl attempting to make the US Women's Open. I'm saving up my jealous, irrational hatred in case she qualifies. Also, Justin Bieber was caught on tape yesterday walking into a glass door, so this Jordan Spieth guy can keep on doing his thing. I'm happy.
You know, there's a 50-50 chance Dave in Wyoming was making fun of your face. Maybe better than 50-50.
So what you are saying is that I've been ridiculed online by a person from Wyoming. This is such a unique experience, I don't think I'll even get upset.
Santana moss was given hgh isn't this stuff suppose to make you better
It's sad. In the old days, athletes from The U were superstars who did coke. Now they're aging, middle-of-the-road receivers doing HGH. It's also great. It's an improvement. But terrible for the brand of The U.
Is it wrong to root for whoever is playing against Southern Miss in baseball for the next couple of weeks?
Glad you mentioned this. If I seem a bit slow answering questions today, it's because I'm also writing letters to each player on the team begging them to throw the rest of their games. Please, gentlemen! We beg of you! Only you have the power to end Brett Favre.
i think michelle is so hot
Okay. I'll pass it along.
Speaking of your face, I recall seeing you on TV a while back and you didn't look like your picture. How old is that thing?
My face? Or my picture? Things I've learned in this podcast: based on my headshot, I look like I have a falsetto and am 12. Nice.
Tim Tebow isn't until number 65 on the google search google in the Great White North...
Also, in Canada his name is Justin Beaver.
Last summer, you defended the Pirates for trading Nate McLouth, claiming that they "have a plan" and "knew what they're doing." Is there anything that you have ever regret writing more than that?
Not really. And definitely not as much as you will regret submitting that question after you check Nate McLouth's batting average.
It's my fault, if he were wearing a regular shirt, no one would make fun of his voice or face.
It's a zip-up track jacket! DAMN YOU, 1-INCH-BY-1-INCH PHOTOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
what do you think of the 76ers selection of Doug Collins as coach? This is the guy who helped Michael Jordan win his first 3 championships! Oh wait, he was the guy that couldn't win a championship with Michael Jordan? Whoops. Well, I'm sure he'll be able to win one with the current Sixers roster, especially once the Sixers draft Cole Aldrich with the #2 pick,
Sometimes things that are recycled are better in their later forms. For example, my friend has a patio chair made out of recycled bottles. What I'm saying is this: if everything breaks right, Doug Collins could become the patio chair of NBA coaches. Soooo ... that's nice.
Zip-up track jacket...I approve, of course I am a dbag.
Unfortunately that photo was taken during the four-week period in 2005 when those were in style. I will now go back to listening to my Hives album ...
Think Jeopardy. The answer is Tim Tebow. What's the question?
What is hope?
Nate McLouth: BA .208, OBP .329 SLG .350. I got served.
Of course, the main guy he was traded for -- starter Charlie Morton -- has an ERA around 10.00. So it was a mutual serving.
When is the next book coming out?
Winter of 2008. Whoops! That didn't happen, thanks to one of the most doomed sports book publishing sagas in publishing history. But I can't talk about it. Moving along ...
I HAVE A QUESTION WHICH PWEPLEXES ME. IK KNOW THE NASCAR DRIVERS DRINK A LOT OF FLUIDS TO REMAIN HYDRATED. HOW DO THE DRIVERS URIBNATE. DO THEY HAVE FOLEY CATHETERS, THAT THE PUBLIC NEVER SEES?
I HAVE NO IDEA! PLUS, I NEED TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK TO URIBNATE!
Which of the following would you most like to see in the world cup: A) USA beating England in their opener, B) an African team making it to the final or C) me getting caught for soliciting a prostitute over the age of 14
D) Diego Maradona running you over with his Mini.
D) Diego Maradona running you over with his Mini.
I think I have a man-crush on you. Is that too weird?
Yes. But only because it seems I am an incredibly ugly person who has a weird voice and wears dated clothing. You have terrible taste in dudes.
Is Kentucky Sports Radio the best team blog on the Internet?
Feel free to send in more things you all want me to endorse. It can be like: "You guys are the best!" -- some idiot chatting online
Any thoughts on the tragic end of LOST this Sunday?
I have never watched an episode of Lost. Do you think I'll have trouble keeping up if I watch on Sunday? It seems like a pretty simple show to keep up with.
speaking of soccer, do you have a brazilian soccer name?
No. But I wish U.S. soccer players would go by a single name, just because American names would sound so incredibly lame. Oh, no! Beware! It's Bill!
I have a dilemma. I have a friend who refuses to stop staring at cute girls, most of them in the 18 year old range. The problem is, he's almost 28. Doesn't this break some kind of rule? I told him that if he messed up and figured one out wrong, he could lose everything and become a hobo. Then he would be hunted by witty sports writers like yourself.He won't learn. What should I do?
Is this a real question or are you a cast member of Saskatchewan Shore? Are you asking about Les Situation?
Here is a real question--Are you related to sports cartoonist Bill Gallo.
No. But I am related to Jerry Callow.
Where is the link to the "most Livable Sports Cities" article?
In my archive, I presume. And good news! L.A. got Livable! YAY! You don't have to move.
I'm going to the Pirate game tonight, any advice?
Well, Ross Ohlendorf is pitching. So, obviously, you have to make a clever sign incorporating OHLENDORF.
It's friday at 4:40 how are you still sober?
Drunks with WiFi. SportsNation truly is utopia.
This won't get posted (post this you nerd), but you have entertained me for the last ten minutes. Thank You and God bless your beautiful family
Wait, so my family is beautiful and I'm still ugly. Can't say I'll be hitting the town tonight with a ton of confidence, dear chatters.
Who are your two favorite ute athletes?
What do you think of the cocky NYers who think it is an honor to be a Knick and MSG is really the Mecca of basketball. I am 32, name one thing of note that has happened at MSG in my lifetime. No championships, I know that.
Michael Jordan used to score a ton of points there. Reggie Miller, too. So there. The Knicks are obviously great.
Al Davis on 30 for 30 destroyed my Market!
Just wait until 3-D TVs come out. It will be like you can almost touch his lady glasses.
We're getting a new NBA Jam. Over/under on number of college students who flunk out once it's released?
I'm not sure how many current college students are familiar with NBA Jam. However, what might make it incredibly popular is that it's a sports video game that is ... you know ... FUN! Neato concept! Unrelated fun fact: each day Shaquille O'Neal ingest 12,000 calories of NBA Jam. His favorite is strawberry.
Will you be watching the Champions League final tomorrow airing on a national network to remain unnamed?
Maybe. I really only like the World Cup. The fact that there are 37 international leagues kind of waters down the whole thing. It's like the NCAA Tournament. I mean, congrats to Duke. But we all know the CBI champion was better.
Bicycle kick the best inverted play in sports? Colin... ever watch snowboarding?
I'll ask him ... COLLLIIINNNN! Hey! This guy wants to know if you ever watched snowboarding? No? ... He says no, Rob.
Two lady glassess' jokes in less than an hour? You're better than that Gallo! In the words of Tom Jackson: Come'on man!
Hey, I'm not the one putting lady glasses on these people. I think you need to be attacking the lady-glass'd, not me. Or at least the salespeople at Pearle Vision. "Have you considered any glasses in this section? Just ignore the sign that says For Rich Grandmother's Only."
Watered down? The NBA playoffs say hello.
You can't call the NBA playoffs "watered down." Most floods subside in a couple of days. An NBA series takes weeks.
I'm with you Colin. American's just don't seem to understand how awesome the real football is. Soccer is so awesome and displays the worlds...yes, the wolrds best athletes.
Here we say soccer, there football. Here "worlds", there "wolrds." Yes, "wolrds."
Taking my friend to Hooters and a strip club tonight for a lame bachelor party tonight. Wouldn't it be better if I just gave him some money for the divorce now?
I think he's okay. You'll probably never make it to the strip club because he'll get extreme indigestion from eating at Hooters.
Here's your biggest challenge of the day: Name one positive thing about the Pirates' season thus far. It can't be that Zack Duke outdueled Roy Halladay this week, because I just said that one. Go.
Andrew McCutchen is in contention for the batting title. Garrett Jones is knocking in a ton of runs. The bullpen is good. You don't follow the worst team ever for 17 years without being a ridiculously positive person.
Do you miss me? Does anyone else here know who I am?
That thing I got up really early in the morning to do three days a week? It was like the Page 2 podcast ... but with WORDS!
Oh, is that what DJ is short for? Colin? Never would've guessed.
Yep. There's my secret. It's like how Chone is actually pronounced Shawn. (Although DJ --> Colin is not nearly as ridiculous.)
Which Current MLB Players do you think will be inducted to the Hall of Fame?
Lastings Milledge. See? I'm an extremely positive Pirates fan.
You do not go to Hooters to eat....
Right. But if he's going to a strip club after, what's the point? I guess athletes stretch before a game, so going to Hooters in this situation would be the calisthenics of leering.
Mr. Gallo. I have yet to buy your book because I am only 14 but can you please tell me what the top 5 livable sports cities are ?
If the under-14 crowd didn't buy my book, I would have sold exactly 0 copies. The Top-5 livable sports cities? I didn't rank them, just listed Livable/Unlivable. But let's just go with: 1) Raleigh; 2) Charlotte; 3) Durham; 4) Chapel Hill; 5) wherever you live in North Carolina if it's not one of those. There! Now will you buy my book?
Yeah you go to Hooters to gawk at broads that you have no chance talking to outside of the establishment.
Broads? In heaven, Frank Sinatra goes by Ron (LA). Good to know! I loved your music, Ron!
I'm so disappointment in Floyd Landis. I thought Jack Daniels made me more of a man. I've wasted my life.
I think Jack Daniels still has a place in cycling. It may not boost your testosterone, as Landis claimed. But if you drink a ton of it, it sure makes watching cycling go much smoother.
Thank you. I live in Greensboro.
Oh. Then let's make Greensboro #1. YAY!
Dear DJCould you see the NCAA paying there Players now that Myles Brand is dead?
I don't think Myles Brand was preventing that from happening. I think the NCAA loving money was preventing that from happening.
Hey Gallo, so what kind of reception does McNabb get coming back to philly this yr? I'm gonna say a taser is not invloved, but as you can see philadelphia set the bar high, now its the PGA following suit. Give us philly fans some credit.
I think he may get kidnapped. Not because Philadelphia fans are mean or bad people. But because the Eagles quarterback is Kevin Kolb.
I'm looking to change careers after 10 years of accounting and finance. I just took a career diagnosis survey that told me I should be an accountant. Maybe I'll just hop the rails and lead the glorious life of a hobo...
Please understand that hobos don't have much use for accounting and finance. They only use gold. GOLD! There's GOLD IN THEM THERE HILLS!!!!!
Did Delonte West really sleep with LBJ's mommy? If West were to become his "dad" could he set curfews and such for the young James?
This seems quite urban legendy. Unfortunately, when I first saw a headline about it, I thought it was in reference to Jerry West. I'm not sure if that is better or worse.
As a prospective transplant from Detroit to Pittsburgh, any advice?
I will give you advice. On one condition: please bring Jim Leyland with you.
I wasn't making fun of you...just saying you sound like a guy 2 years removed from college yet you're photo makes it seem like you're from Greenwich, CT...just not what I expected when listening to my first Page 2 pod.
You saying people from Greenwich don't go to college? You may be right.
Thanks for the hour plus chat on a friday. If we don't get fired you are the man!
"Everywhere" seems a bit generous. But thanks. And you're welcome. STOP KILLING THE ECONOMY!!!!!!
Charlie Batch or Byron Leftwich? Or Tommy Maddux?
Let's see, a guy who was let go by the Lions or a guy who was let go by the Bucs? Hmmm. Hmmm. I'll go Dennis Dixon.
Some good advice to prospective transplant Steve - - Keep your family away from Big Ben!
Okay, dear ones. I have gone a good bit over my time. Enjoy your weekend. Check out the Page 2 podcast on M, W, F. And enjoy living in an era in which we get to see the likes of Lastings Milledge play baseball.