Hello, everyone. Many of you have written me recently complaining that I haven't done a chat in a few months. Well, after a long decision process, I have decided I am going to take my chatting talents to SportsNation.
And that, my friends, was the 1 millionth parody of "The Decision." I think I win a shopping spree on Miami Heat.com. Let's begin ...
DJ, Lou Brown from Major League has passed away. How will I ever go on?
It is incredibly depressing. I am getting some whitewalls put on my car in his memory.
what did you think of the NL finally winning an all star game?
I thought it was about time. It's time the NL gets to have homefield in the World Series for an incredibly stupid reason, too.
Will the Buccos have the worst record in the league? The orioles were almost untouchable at the start of the season, sigh.
The Pirates are on a two-game win streak and there young lineup is really starting to produce. I am fully confident that they won't clinch their 18th consecutive losing season until September. YESSSSSSSSSS!!!
Am I wrong in thinking that Hedu Turkaglu looks like the be-jarred head in the hearse inside "yourself storage" in Silence of the Lambs?
That's a very good point. Also, what would be more terrifying for Brad Pitt at the end ... finding his wife's head in the box? Or being a Suns fan and finding out they acquired Hedo Turkoglu?
Oh, sorry, by the way. Guess I should have said "spoiler alert" for Se7en. If SportsNation is like regular nation, there are a percentage of you who get annoyed when the ending of movies are given away, even long after they came out. "What?! Rosebud is a sled??? You jerk!"
Greater total: Pedro Alvarez's Home Runs this year or Vanderbilt football wins?
Umm ... Alvarez already has 3. I think this debate is over.
Since when was Brad Pitt in Silence of the Lambs?
Whoops. Left out a sentence clause that would have been helpful.
I think the wind at St. Andrews was a sign from God that he doesn't want that sinner Tiger Woods winning anymore majors.
God works in mysterious ways. Maybe the wind was a favor to Tiger. You know, blowing up ladies' skirts and such.
As a die hard Nets fan, I fear that they are headed in the direction of your beloved Pirates. What can I do during times of awful losing to cheer myself up?
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. As bad as the Pirates are, they're nowhere near the Nets. The Pirates won 5 World Series titles. Whereas the peak of the Nets franchise is last year when J-WOWW came to a game.
Bruce Willis is dead the whole time.
The even bigger twist at the end is that M. Night Shyamalan dies immediately after the movie wraps, but his corpse continues on as a director.
Your drinking game for the evening is to take 4 shots of your favorite alcoholic beverage and say Lodewikus Theodorus Oosthuizen three times in a row. You must drink another every time you mispronounce it.
What's the common nickname for "Lodewikus"? Lodey? Dewi? Ikus? I think I'd go with L.T. Oosthuizen. He could become the new L.T. Less crime-y than Taylor, less pouty than Tomlinson.
What is your opinion on the WNBA?
Okay. Yes, the chat has gotten off to a slow start. But it hasn't been THAT bad. I don't need people tossing in softballs just yet.
What cle team will go .500 next? I need to know which bandwagon to jump on.
Unfortunately, I don't think Cleveland really has bandwagons. There might be a few of those hand-crank railroad flatbeds and the track leads directly into an incinerator.
Admit it: if you hadn't witnessed it yourself, you'd think the whole LeBron "The Decision" thing was a joke. No person could be so tone-deaf when it comes to PR, right?
His other idea was to sign an endorsement contract with BP. I think he actually chose the worst of the two options.
you ever had those fries from walmart you microwave in 4 minutes? get them they are great
Microwave, fries, WalMart. Are you a real person or a foreigner posing as an American and trying to humiliate us?
Pittsburgh defensive end Jabaal Sheard has been suspended indefinitely after being accused of throwing another man through the glass door of an art gallery. Do you think they were IN the art gallery and, if so, what could have started the fight?
As a PITT fan, I declare this was merely performance art. THE CHARGES SHOULD BE DISMISSED!!!
Speaking of Pedro Alvarez, aren't you excited? This kid could break the record for strike outs next year!
That wouldn't be so bad. You're talking about a team whose flagship TV network runs ads that say: "Ross Oehlendorf plays here." I am not kidding you.
Mayweather is so scared, would you fight pacquio for 50 mil? I mean your supposed to be a proffesional and you say your the best but your scared to fight Floyd!! I'd fight anyone for 50 mil even if your gonna get smashed. Pathetic What you think?
Manny Pacquiao is a Congressman. How scary could he possibly be?
Speaking of charges, isn't 30 days in jail for drinking at a college party when you're under 21 a bit excessive? Joe Montana's son was doing what just about every college kid does on weekends.
I agree that 30 days in jail is a bit excessive. However, if he was wearing those Sketchers Shape-Ups while drinking, I think 30 days in jail is too lenient.
Tennis outfits need to step up to Daly's level. Or another dominant athlete falling. Hmmm.
I played in a golf tournament this weekend and a guy was wearing the Daly pants. He was overweight and obnoxious. But then you probably could have figured that out yourself.
Dude, that just ain't right.
"Ross Oehlendorf chats here."
If Wilt Chamberlain lived in our time and was forced by society to stop sleeping with random women, do you think he too would have lost his mojo and stopped being dominant?
I'm not sure I'm on the Tiger-Woods-is-done train yet. For one, he's finishing near the top in every tournament he plays in. And we can still see flashes of his former self here and there. A great drive here, a flubbed, awkward high-five there. I'm confident he'll still pass Nicklaus, and will completely whiff on a high-five when he does so.
How bad a GM is David Kahn? Do you think he lost a behind the scenes bet with other GMs and to pay up he has to accept whatever they want? Jazz "We want Jefferson and we'll give you a couple picks and a bag of pretzels." Kahn" "Well...I am hungry."
Consider we're talking about NBA GMs here, though. It's kind of hard to pick a "worst." It's like being taken to a daycare and being asked: "Okay, who here has the smelliest diaper?"
How many spots down the greatest QB list does Montana fall because of those Sketcher's adds? I think this puts him behind Bradshaw for sure.
I guess he's pretty confident his football career can hold up on its own. We'll know for sure if he continues lending his name to humiliating products. Joe Montana Brand Adult Diapers.
DJ,Reading your chat while listening to today's Page 2 Podcast. How can I satsify my other three semses' desire for some DJ Gallo?
Smell, taste, and touch. Hmmm. That's a tough one. I had hummus and carrots for lunch so you might want to avoid seeking out the smell one.
By comparing the Yankees scrubbing of Torre's Bronx accomplishments to the Nazis wiping out the Jews, is McCarver lining himself up for a role in the 'Inglorious Basterds' prequel as the Lt. Edwin Edelstein... Bombastic Broadcasting Bruiser?
Well, Dwyane Wade gave him some cover this weekend with a World Trade Center comment. I guess we're just lucky that John Rocker has been out of baseball for a while.
What would be more humiliating Jimmy JOhnson's (football coach) extenze add or if the WSOP brought in Antoine Walker to do those gambling commercials during this years ESPN coverage?
Somehow the most humiliating part of those Jimma Johnson's ads isn't even that they're -- you know, you know -- pills. It's that at the end he throws a football and looks like he's never played the game in his life.
Are the Heat not signing Shaq because he called Chris Bosh "The Rupaul of Big Men"?
I'm fairly confident that Chris Bosh's wishes are very far down on Pat Riley's list of cares. They're maybe a notch ahead of what Mike Miller wants.
Assuming his 6 game suspension gets chopped to 4, how many games to you see the "Stillers" winning this year? I have to put $5 in the swear jar if i say his name...
10 or 11. Oh, wait. I forgot. I keep hearing the Ravens are Super Bowl shoo-ins this year! I wonder when they'll reveal who they got to replace Joe Flacco at quarterback!!!
Most played out game for the upcoming season that ends up being ridiculous and above all, stupid. McNabb's return to Philly or LeBron's return to Cleveland?
Chris Bosh returns to Toronto. No, just kidding. No one cares about that.
Just be glad you haven't seen the O's magic moments commercials on the MasterAngelosTelevisionNetwork
Since the majority of Baltimore's season attendance these days is from Red Sox and Yankees fans seeing their teams out of town, Baltimore should really just show their highlights.
Hey DJ, really enjoy your work here on ESPN...but man, you've got a really punchable looking face. What's with that? Keep up the good work.
Yet Floyd Mayweather keeps ducking me.
How can baseball further capitalize on being the only sport in the summer where the other three professional sports cannibalize each other throughout the winter months?
This is baseball's dark secret. I guess "national pastime" focus-grouped better than "the only thing on for five months out of the year." Really, if baseball was played during the fall/winter indoors, or if football/basketball/hockey was moved to the summer, what would the attendance be? I'm guessing Oriolesian, at best.
Bigger black eye on the city of Baltimore: Clay Davis or the baseball team?
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeee ... um ... eeeeesh. That's a tough question.
The Cubs are 3-9 against the Pirates this year, losing their first 5 head-to-head match-ups. What does that say about the Cubs?
Ahhhh, but they're 3-4 against the Pirates since. I think that elusive World Series title is just around the corner! Know hope, Cubs fans!
What are your favorite sports teams?
Journalists can't reveal such information.
Luckily, I am the complete opposite of a journalist. So my favorite teams are the Steelers, Penguins, Pirates and PITT. Oh, and whoever is playing the Charlotte Bobcats. OHHHHH, I hate the Charlotte Bobcats SO MUCH!!!!!!!!
Is Chris Bosh now cool by association?
Enough with the random Cubs knocks...it is hard enough to be a fan.
Hey, everyone, it's Jon from Chicago! He's a Cubs fan! The Cubs are bad at baseball! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
What are your least favorite sports teams?
Don't make me delve deeper into the evil that is the Charlotte Bobcats.
Not very clever...
You know who's not very clever??? The CUBS! If, you know, clever = baseball playing! BOOM.
How can Daly now top himself? Mesh pants, Clear ones?
Oh, hi there! Welcome back up, carrots and hummus.
About a month ago Vince Young "pray[ed] to God that Roger Goodell doesn't come down hard" on him for his strip-club altercation. And just last week he responded to Chris Johnson's contract woes by stating, "I pray to God that he gets in [for the start of camp]".Can we start an online petition for VY to ease up on the Lord's favors? If not, can we ask Vince to pray that my mom starts using chunky peanut butter on my sandwiches? I've got pressing needs for miracles, too.
I hear that night at the strip club he was praying to God that they had enough singles to change his 20.
Did I really make more money than anyone else this offseason?!?
I don't know. I never heard of you. Wait ... are you that guy that got uninvited to the summit? Ouch.
I'm a Cubs fan as well. Is this a trend with people being named John loving the Cubs?
I assume you all have the last name Doe. Less humiliating that way.
I think the evil of the Charlotte Bobcats is nothing compared to the villainous reputation of the Milwaukee Brewers.
And those dastardly Phoenix Coyotes!!! And don't forget those CFL Roughriders. Both of them!
Do you think the Miami Heat are now the Duke of the NBA? What I mean is, everyone outside of Miami hates them, but everyone will watch, hoping they lose. There is a reason Duke is on TV 20 times a year, the Duke haters can't stay away.
Is David Stern was good at his job, he would have ordered J.J. Redick to the Heat.
Plus, just think of the amazing poetry ...
Lebron, Wade and Bosh / Our roster is, like, ohmigosh
10 bucks if you can remember the name of Baltimore's CFL team.
If you snort alcohol and then drive a cop could ask you if you've been drinking and you could say "no" and you'd be telling the truth, right? Loophole?
I hear the wacky kids are now doing eyeball shots. Pour some vodka in a shot glass, hold it up to your eye and then put your head back. They think it gets them drunk faster. It doesn't. However, if you use grain alcohol, it really cleans your contact lenses nicely.
As long as Miles Austin is with Kim Kardashian, can the Cowboys rely on the Kardashian reverse jinx? I mean, Reggie Bush has a Super Bowl ring. He was a terrible college football player. Hell, one of his teams went 0-12
I think Bruce Jenner should return for the 2012 Olympics. Can't hurt to try. And if that doesn't work, I'm sure there is some sort of Olympics for plastic people.
Why is alochol, a highly addictive drug which leads to depression and violence, legal while marijuana, grown naturally and not addictive, illegal?
I know you are experiencing many new things now that you are out of Florida and have a lot of questions, Tim. But don't turn to drugs. You're better than that.
Tosh.O the best show on Television?
It now has almost twice the audience of The Daily Show. Feel free to interpret that any way you like.
Be brave, A.J. You made it through multiple forearm tattoos, you can make it through this.
Oh, somewhat related ... lamest thing in the history of lame things ever: A.J. Burnett and the shaving cream pies. And, A.J., do you know why it's your job to do it? Because you never do anything worth getting one.
Any comments on the Kobyashi debacle on the 4th of July? I give props to the IFOCE for trying to become more like the WWE...or pro boxing.
None other than it looks like Kobayashi got plastic surgery. You know how people who like to eat tons of hot dogs are ... have to stay pretty!!
Well, that's all for me, dear ones. Please know that the proceeds from today's chat went to the Boys & Girls Club. Also know that there were no proceeds. Bummer.