Well, hello again, SportsNation. It's been a while since I last chatted. I think back then the Pirates weren't the best team in baseball. Crazy to think there was a time like that. Let's begin ...
Do us Pirates fans have anything to root for this year? Is there any chance they'll surprise us by having a good season, or will I be smashing my head against a wall all season long again?
I will give you my answer when Neil Walker's grand slam lands.
Help me out with something: Rebecca Black. Why?!? I don't get it. At all.
What's not to get? It's so horrible it's good. Also, it's a universal message. Who doesn't eat cereal? Who hasn't wondered which seat they should take? Rebecca Black speaks in auto-tune to all of humanity.
Help, cops!!! I owe this guy money and I beat him up. Arrest him!!!
In the old days Dominique could throw a 360 tomahawk punch. But that beatdown was still pretty impressive.
Who the hell is Rebecca Black?
thoughts on chad ochocinco playing in the mls? and is his name still chad ochocinco?
Ochocinco actually kind of sounds like the name of a superstar player from Brazil. Unfortunately, based on his tryout, he plays more like an American named Chad Johnson.
IF your parents had given you a first name that started with a B would you still have gone with your initials as your name?
Yes. That is, if the B name they gave me was Bill. Because that is a terrible, terrible name.
Why are we even having to play this baseball season? There is no way anyone will EVER beat Lee, Halliday, Oswalt, and Hamels in the post-season!! EVER!!!! The fact that the Giants went 5-2 against those four is irrelevant! It never happened!!
Chris, I don't know how long it takes for a thrown beer bottle to travel from Philadelphia to Phoenix, but expect to be struck in the head by one within the next few hours.
Since this is April Fools Day, are you going to give rational, insightful answers instead of your usually hobo-riddled snarkiness?
No. My April Fools tomfoolery was the usual: I went down to the local rail yard late last night and untied the hobo bindles from the bindle sticks. You should see how angry they get when they pick it up and all of their belongings fall on the ground. They try to chase after you, but they don't run too fast, what with the toeless boots.
You've got those fabulous Pirates, but you've also got the Penguins and Steelers...while we've got the Jays and Maple Leafs and Raptors. You at least get some good sport seasons...so can you not complain?
Does Raghib Ismail still play for the Argonauts? He's a big star, right?
Who the hell is Caleb in Denver?
We should lock the NFLPA and nfl owners in a room and force them to listen to nothing but rebecca black until they sign an agreement.
I think the locking-them-in-a-room idea has merit, especially if you are on the side of the players. The players are all young and healthy. While the owners are old men. Those guys have to go the bathroom every 5 or 6 minutes. The players would have 90-percent of league revenues by Minute 4.
If i used to call Allen Iverson a ball hog, am I still allowed to blindly cheer for Jimmer.
Allen Iverson? The guy who plays in the Turkish League? I have no idea. I follow that less than CFL football.
Seriously, it's this coming December 14th, the NFL is still in lockout, the NBA is still in lockout, the NHL is still unwatchable, college football is on it's lame break before the bowl games....am I going to have to interact with my family around the holidays? Help.
Well, I would disagree with you that the NHL is unwatchable. And I would disagree with you about your family. Have you ever really tried to talk to them? Your Aunt Karen is a lovely woman if you really listen. She has many great stories about her cats. Mittens is so precocious!
That's right we beat the Heat. Pay no attention to our team's record. We showed Lebron. Applications for next year's season tickets are available.
One of the greatest moments in Cleveland sports history: a regular season NBA game in late March. YAY!!!!!
Lyle Overbay is the cleanup hitter? Did you even know he existed before this season?
Yes. Lyle Overbay is the Pirates cleanup hitter TODAY. But now Neil Walker also has a double. Soon he will be the cleanup hitter not only for the 2011 Pittsburgh Pirates, but also for the MLB Hall of Fame.
And now a home run from Andrew McCutchen. Pirates 6, Cubs 2. Recent historic failure > Historic historic failure.
(Oh, wait. This isn't a live-blog of the Pirates-Cubs game? Because that would interest absolutely no one? Touche. Continuing ...)
And for the record who the hell is DJ Gallo?
Many people tell me I'm fun fun fun fun.
who got to vote on the ford center name change, oklahoma city arena sounds like a 12 year old made an arena on 2k11
Agree. I much prefer corporate names. Goldman Sachs Arena at Halliburton Place has a nice ring to it.
I have Ryan Dempster on my fantasy team. Did I draft well?
Eh. If you are in an all-Cubs league, he's probably a fringe player.
Seeing my name in your chat would make me as excited as the time you retweeted me! (just kidding, you've never retweeted me. WHY WON'T YOU RETWEET ME?!) :(
There you go. Your resume gets another bullet point. Sorry about the lack of retweets. But I comment frequently on your MySpace page.
Do you get annoyed when your photo is compared, especially if unfavorably, with Chris O'Donnel from NCIS: LA?
It is an honor to be associated in any way with anyone who appeared in the Batman Nipple Suit-Era movies. Such fine cinema.
*splat* I love this thing!
This is a reference to my recent column on Best/Worst MLB Promotions. But then you all knew that, right? BECAUSE YOU READ ALL OF MY COLUMNS, CORRECT? Don't think there won't be a test.
Test Question 1: ...
In what column did I make a joke about Tom Brady's hair or general foppish appearance and behavior?
I'll wait ...
Trick question. All of them.
All of them! FIRST! Woo hoo!
Good. At least someone has been paying attention.
I'm currently recording the Cubs-Pirates game. Thanks for nothing, Gallo.
Why would you record a Pirates game. The outcome is always the same ... duh! Winning!
That's right ... I'm making Rebecca Black AND Charlie Sheen jokes. My Internet Meme Newsletter hasn't arrived for three weeks. Are LOLcats still popular?
The Indians are already behind 14-0 with 1 out in the 4th. No sarcasm needed.
You write columns?
Good point. I don't really write columns. Not in the traditional sense. I find new ways to string some jokes together in a column-like format until they reach a column-like length. (Shhh! Don't tell anyone. It will be out secret.)
You need to watch the trailer for "Hobo with a Shotgun". It's a legit movie similar to Machete. You can thank me later!
Great. Just great. There goes the screenplay I've been working on for the last 10 years.
Now I'm going to have to go lowest common denominator and change my artsy hobo film to "Vampire Zombie Glee Hobos From Hell!!!"
I'm confused about the March Madness contest for the podcast. Are you looking for times we've been angry or times we've gone insane? Also, must they be related to college basketball or can they just have occurred in March?
Yes: If you folks go to the Page 2 Podcast group page on Facebook, you can win Logitech Revue by participating in our March Madness contest. You just submit your maddest March moment. It can be whatever you think fits that. You're creative people, right? (I'm asking. Because I am not.)
I saw "Hobo with a Shotgun" in the theatres the other night. The bad guy's name is The Drake and the female lead is a hooker with a heart of gold. Everyone must go watch this movie, NOW
"Hobo with a Shotgun" seems kind of redundant. Not as bad as "Hobo with a Bindle" or "Hobo with a Stomach Full of Skunk Soup." But still redundant.
Worse performance: your Pitt Panthers in the NCAA tourney or "The Situation" at the Trump roast?
Trump roast? That can't be a real thing. He's a serious, respectable presidential candidate, right? No such person would stoop that low in this great country. GOOD TRY ON YOUR APRIL FOOLS, TIM (SEATTLE)! But you failed.
Why was I not informed of this chat earlier?!
Hey, Drew. Thanks for coming. We've been talking about the Pirates and hobos mostly. Also things that are redundant. Like the Pirates and hobos.
The Indians are already down 14-0 on Opening Day. At what point is it acceptable for an entire city just give up on all professional sports?
Don't give up! Keep hope alive! There is probably a 30-percent chance or so that the Indians could beat the Miami Heat at baseball.
I am anxiously awaiting your picks for Wrestlemania this weekend.
Is Junkyard Dog still a wrestler? Sorry. Like the CFL, I stopped paying attention to wrestling a long time ago. But put me down for Junkyard Dog.
I don't follow sports but Im assuming that the winner of this Final Four thing plays 5 vs 1 against Jimmer to decide the National Champion right?
Close. The Jimmer is already the national champ. This is just a 4-team tournament for 2nd place.
Mr. Manners, I recently sent a question in on a espn.com chat to a steeler fan named DJ or BJ or something. I only did it to rub in the fact that my team won the Super Bowl last year. I even used the lamest type of nickname in the name field, just to get under his skin. Was this wrong?
Well done. Signed, D-Gal.
Who would win in an eating contest, Rex Ryan or Prince Fielder?
Fielder would destroy Rex Ryan. He's a vegetarian. It's a lot easier to eat some deep-fried edamame than it is to eat deep-fried ribs.
In your 2009 Bracket Blauggh (http://m.espn.go.com/wireless/story?storyId=3995340&pg=1), you wrote this: "BYU has a guard whose parents named him Jimmer Fredette. Bummer for Jimmer." Some time there after, you tore up your knee playing indoor flag football. (Who plays indoor flag football in June?) Then, after Jimmer was bounced from the 2011 NCAA tournament, you got a cold causing you to sneeze constantly during a Podcast. Are the basketball gods smiting you?
Wow. This is some impressive research. I hadn't thought of it. But, yes, the basketball gods (aka just The Jimmer) are obviously smiting me. As for your question about who plays indoor flag football in June? Whaaaa? Steelers fans. Football is played constantly, year-round. In fact, I have been playing football this entire chat. Yay! First down!
You probably should cut down that tree in front of your house, Mitch from Oak Park Heights is watching you in it.
I'm okay. He can't see me. As everyone know, people who write on the Internet ARE LOSERS WHO LIVE IN THEIR BASEMENTS! Because picking a career that has a future is the dumbest!!!
(It doesn't have a future for me, though, because I am a terrible write who delivers a ton of typos. Like on that post above. Sigh.)
I like your funny comedy writing jokes. Is there not a chance that I could to make it as profession author?
NHL playoffs are fast approaching. Any chance we see the tremendous non-beard of Crosby?
I think he'll return.
Yes. That's it. I don't have a joke, okay? Not everything in the world is to be joked about. In fact, there is just one thing in the world that is not to be joked about: Sidney Crosby's health.
I am actually just one of the cultish Podcast listneners. But I am embarrassed. Hopefully someone can burn all record of this chat.
Speaking of cultish, did you know that Jim Jones went to Butler? Really! I just learned that today. I'm pretty sure that's not in their university brochure.
Think it's going to be a long season for the Cardinals?
Wainwright is out. Holliday is now out. Pujols is on pace for an MLB record for GIDP. So, yes. (I'm assuming you meant the St. Louis Cardinals. If you meant the Arizona Cardinals, then: "Of course. Always.")
Why don't I like hockey? I loved that 24/7 thing on the Capitals/Penguins, but immediately after it was over I completely forgot hockey existed. Whose fault is this?
How can you not like hockey? You leave in New Jersey. Home of the Devils! Practitioners of the neutral zone trzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Okay. I'm done here. It's 5 pm. I have the second half of this indoor football game to play and then I have to get to the parade for the Pirates' Opening Day win. Apologies if I was distracted. April Fools or something, I guess(?) Sure. April Fools!