The ultimate Father's Day gift guide
Father's Day is almost here, and it can be daunting to find a good gift for the World's No. 1 Dad. The tried-and-true Father's Day gift categories seem worn out. Need some help? Maybe this can help.
Meats and Grilling
If I know anything about dads -- at least the ones portrayed in most TV commercials and sitcoms -- it's that they love little more than grilling giant cuts of meat! Therefore, a traditional uncreative Father's Day gift is a grill set or some frozen steaks. You can do better.
Take your gift to the next level for only $19.95 with this Chicago Cubs logo meat brander! Nothing says "it's done" like the Chicago Cubs logo.
Is your dad a Texas Longhorns fan? For $25.68, you can get a three-pack of Texas Longhorns Steak and Rib Rub. Nothing tastes better when you're eating your favorite team's mascot!
Fathers … what a bunch of drunks, am I right? (Not you, Dad.) Instead of getting Dad any old jug of moonshine out of a neighbor's bathtub, sportify your alcohol selection. Athletes from Drew Bledsoe, Mike Ditka and Jeff Gordon to Rick Mirer, Charles Woodson and Ernie Els have their own wines. Yes, I did say Rick Mirer. If your dad isn't the fancy sports wine connoisseur type, get him some liquor. Get him some Rick Pitino Maker's Mark. In fact, get some for yourself, too. You'll want a bottle on hand if Kevin Ware's injury is ever shown on TV again.
Getting dear old Dad a tie for Father's Day is a great way to say: "I put zero thought into this and barely remembered to stop at Sears on my way over here." But it is OK to get your father a tie ... if you get him a hip and trendy outfit to go with it. Consider matching the tie with a Dwyane Wade-style suit jacket with capri pants! You may not find such a suit at Sears. In fact, I can't imagine a store that sells men's capri suit pants. But it exists. It definitely exists.
A book: a Father's Day gift slightly less clichÉd than a tie. "Here, Dad, I got you a reading assignment as a gift." Congratulations -- you are the Phil Jackson of sons, only with zero championship rings.
If you must go the book route, get him a bundle of laughs on the cheap. For one cent, you can get Charlie Weis' book "No Excuses: One Man's Incredible Rise Through the NFL to Head Coach of Notre Dame." For another cent, you can get "Return to Glory: Inside Tyrone Willingham's Amazing First Season at Notre Dame." And for a third cent, you can get Lance Armstrong's "It's Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life." That's three cents (plus shipping and handling) for hundreds of pages of side-splitting laughter. Can't beat that. (And by that, I mean the value, not Weis, Willingham or non-PED-fueled Armstrong. They're all quite beatable.)
Exercise equipment is like a book that makes you sweat. It's the worst gift ever. Just avoid it. Same goes for exercise apparel. No one wants to see your dad in compression wear. Thanks.
Ah, here we go. Golf and Father's Day go perfectly together, and since golf is not exercise, it is allowed. There are any number of golf training aids, but the training device best-suited to most dads is the Potty Putter. Get one for just $14.95 and throw in a roll of toilet paper for another buck.
A fine gift for any occasion. Just be sure to order your dad's gift from a reputable site. You don't want to buy some jersey from a cheap, unlicensed overseas retailer. While dad's eyesight might be starting to fail, he'll probably notice that his new Joe MONTINA jersey is missing a sleeve.
There's nothing like a day at the ballpark with your dad. You could splurge for great seats. Or you could get cheap tickets and sit in the last row of the upper deck. Do the latter and your dad might think you're hurting financially and could use your inheritance now instead of later. Then you'll both get gifts this Father's Day. Best Father's Day ever!