UNCUT OUTTAKES: A condensed version of Dan Patrick's interview with Minnesota Twins first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz appears in the March 18 edition of ESPN The Magazine.

	Doug Mientkiewicz hit .306 with 15 home runs and 74 RBI in 2001.

DP: Do you have a favorite contraction joke?
DM: The whole thing is a joke. You've got to laugh. I'm getting T-shirts made up that say: "Hey Bud: Contract This."
DP: Did you lose respect for the commissioner?
DM: I respect him because he knows more about the game than I do, but how can he do this? He's not a welcome face around spring training this year.

DP: Tell me three Twins to look for this year.
DM: Jacque Jones, Brian Buchanan and Luis Rivas.
DP: You think they could have breakout years?
DM: Correct.
DP: I like Jacque Jones.
DM: He's got some things to prove for himself and he's a great ballplayer.

DP: Your favorite Olympic moment from Sydney.
DM: Tom Lasorda peed on himself.
DP: Details, please.
DM: He was giving us this pep talk at our first meeting. When he stood up, he had this wet ring in the crotch of his uniform. No lie! I mean he's trying to motivate us, telling us to shock the world.
DP: Guess he was coaching by example.
DM: Sure seemed to work.

DP: Did you watch the Winter Olympics? Do you have a new appreciation for the Olympics in general, having played in them?
DM: Yes. I always was closer to the Winter Olympics. I ... definitely watch it with a different feeling now. You start to think back to when you were on the stand and when you were going through the opening ceremonies. It's kind of like you're part of a big family now.

DP: When's the last year that Tom Kelly laughed?
DM: When was the last year?
DP: Yes, because it's probably been a couple of years, hasn't it?
DM: I think he laughed, but behind closed doors every day in '99 ... either laughed or cried at some of the stuff we put him through. You know, I joke about it all the time. Like, I think I personally cut four years off his life. ... He laughed a lot more last year, and I think it's not so much the wins and losses but the fact that we gave him something, I guess, to feel proud of ... again.
DP: Did you ever laugh at yourself when you were struggling?
DM: I didn't do a lot of laughing in '99. I think that was the main thing I learned to do in 2000 in Triple A -- to laugh at myself ... I can think of a game that sticks out in my head [from 2001]. We had probably 35 hits against Texas and I was 0-for-6 and Kelly kind of pulled me to the side and said, "I can't send you up there again. We're trying to get you a base hit to get you out of the game, but you can get it tomorrow." And I was like, "You know, I think you should have pulled me after batting practice -- it might have been a little better." But that's when I started figuring out, you know, you've got to laugh. You've got to laugh it off. You've got to feel proud when you get a base hit. You've got to be able to just turn the page...

DP: Best practical joke you've ever been a part of.
DM: That's a good one. I have to think about that one.
DP: Or best one you've heard about.
DM: There's a lot of them. I'll have to come back to that one.
DP: OK. Because with Rob Dibble, it'll flash into his head and...
DM: Exactly. ... I'll think of something. There's a couple of good ones I've got.

DP: Did you know any football players at Florida State?
DM: Yes ... actually, my wife was a pretty good friend of ... Charlie Ward.
DP: It doesn't sound good when you say, "My wife was good friends with..."
DM: I know, but that's just the way it is -- I don't ask questions and she doesn't tell me any lies, so that's the way it works.
DP: Did you ever cross paths with Deion Sanders and talk about Florida State?
DM: No, I've never crossed paths with him. Obviously, there's an aura around him at Florida State... our third base coach at FSU was Jim Baker. He always tells stories about how there's no one on the planet who works harder than that man. They said he used to run miles with a jump rope. He'd be jumping rope, running for miles.
DP: Wow.
DM: That's pretty impressive.
DP: Yes.
DM: They've seen him, you know, busting his butt ... I can't even jump rope standing still, let alone try to do it while I'm running ... I think he's the best athlete that ever put cleats or tennis shoes on.
DP: Did you ever cross paths with Michael Jordan in Double A?
DM: No, I followed a year after he played ... so I didn't get a chance to see him.

DP: Does baseball have a triple-double?
DM: Only if you count "slump busters" -- you know, big women. You get out of a slump by doing something with a big woman. Could be rubbing elbows or kissing or other stuff, depending on the size of your rut.
DP: That probably doesn't go over well with your wife.
DM: Oh, my wife knows I'm a fat-chick magnet. I mean, I don't get even close to cheating or anything.

DP: What's the one purchase you had a hard time telling your wife about?
DM: My boat. I have a 31-foot Contender, and at the time we didn't have any money but it was always my dream to get this boat -- and needless to say it's pretty expensive. So I had to tell her, "Look, I've got to have this. I'm sorry, there's no two ways about it." I'm a lucky man ... she doesn't really rule out anything that I want to get for myself after working hard, and that's good. I mean, otherwise we'd have probably a lot of conflicts but ... I'm a lucky person. I found my soulmate.
DP: Oh, don't get sappy on me.
DM: I know. I had to say that. ... She says I spend more time with the boat than I do with her, but that's just the way it works sometimes.

DP: Least favorite major holiday and why.
DM: Let's see. Oh, I'd have to say Valentine's Day.
DP: Yes, how come?
DM: Because every day is pretty much Valentine's Day for married women, I guess. I mean, they get whatever they want. It's just the way it works. Every day is a holiday for them.
DP: Careful now, you could be wading into deeper water there.
DM: It just depends on who they're married to.
DP: That's true. And you of course being the romantic guy that you are...
DM: Oh, of course.

DP: Best fisherman that you've come across, as far as athletes go.
DM: Hmm, that's a good one. I'd have to say probably Brad Radke or Eric Milton ... I've taken them fishing before and they've got a pretty good grasp of what they're doing. You know, I hate to brag but I'd consider myself the best one out there ... we have, like, five die-hard guys who fish [often], and Brad goes out 100 miles one way, so he's pretty hard-core and he knows what he's doing.
DP: And what do you fish for?
DM: Usually sailfish and dorado, maui-maui and groupers, snappers.
DP: Oh, wow. DM: I mean, we're pretty die-hard ... it's pretty serious when I go. I don't say much because I'm pretty intense.
DP: Oh, so you don't use this as an excuse to drink beer.
DM: No, no, no. I don't drink -- it's too serious to drink beer. I might have one on my way home, but that's about it.
DP: Oh, so this is really hard-core fishing.
DM: This isn't just go out at noon and kind of hang out. Get up at 5 a.m. and you're on the water until dark and you're home late. Yes, I'm just trying to hurry my baseball career along so I can get on to my real love: fishing. ... Let me tell you something, baseball has cost me a lot of sailfish time.

DP: Most consistent room-service order that you make.
DM: Chicken quesadas, chicken sandwich and whatever chocolate ice cream they've got -- because I'm not the skinniest guy in the big leagues.
DP: Being a first baseman, you don't have to be.
DM: No. John Kruk was my idol growing up.
DP: You think you could beat Kruk in a race?
DM: God, I hope so.
DP: Well, not now -- I mean when he was playing.
DM: I have to say yes.
DP: Although Kruk made it look like he was faster. You know, some guys make it seem like they're faster than they really are -- they kind of flail their arms. Gary Carter used to always knock his helmet off to make it seem like he was running out from underneath it.
DM: I hear you.

DP: Is your last name legible in your autograph?
DM: No way.
DP: So I would have no idea how to spell Mientkiewicz.
DM: No clue. It's M-t-k-z on the autograph. I probably need a football.
DP: Oh, to put the entire name on.
DM: Correct.
DP: Yes, because it's tough. I mean, you've got to be a big guy to have that name of the back of your jersey.
DM: I've had it hyphenated plenty of times.

DP: What's the best movie you've seen in the last six months?
DM: "Oceans Eleven." I thoroughly enjoyed that.
DP: That didn't get nominated for an Academy Award.
DM: I figured that.
DP: Yes.
DM: I'm a dumb-comedy guy.
DP: Like?
DM: Like "American Pie 2," "Dumb and Dumber."

	Doug Mientkiewicz says he enjoys chatting with Jim Thome at first base.

DP: You're a Dolphins fan, right?
DM: Die-hard. I was in mourning for a year when Marino retired.
DP: Did you ever meet him?
DM: No. I'd probably collapse.
DP: So you don't want to meet him to save yourself the embarrassment of swooning?
DM: I'd love to meet him! The way he played the game was tremendous. I loved it when he got in someone's face and screamed until he was beet red. I lost a little respect for Jimmy Johnson for the way he treated Marino. I didn't appreciate that.
DP: Are you comfortable with Jay Fiedler leading the troops now for another five years?
DM: Let's say it was one of those things, like, man, five years is a long time. But you know what? Say what you want, but he wins.
DP: Where you holding out hope for Troy Aikman?
DM: No. I was never a big Troy Aikman fan ... not that Jay Fiedler's going to go out and win a lot of games for us, but he's not going to screw up. ... What happened to the quarterback? I grew up with the Montanas, the Marinos, the guys that you look for every single time to pull you out, who play the game to win.
DP: Yes, now they ask QBs not to lose games.
DM: Right, and to me that's not what the quarterback position is all about. To me, you want guys who say, "Let's go -- just give me a chance and we'll win." Man, now it's like, just don't mess it up. Just don't mess it up? I have a hard time with that.

DP: Have you met Barry Bonds? Would you be in awe of him?
DM: No. But I met Mark Grace when we played Chicago a couple of years ago ... I respect the way he plays -- like Keith Hernandez ... I grew up watching Keith Hernandez play. Those guys, I would say, kind of paved the way for guys like me who make it to the big leagues. Because those guys aren't the 40 or 50 home-run guys that everybody wants. They play great defense and they hit .300 -- and that's what helped them survive. And they were gamers too. I mean, those guys played hurt and played nicked up. You know, no batting gloves ... play every day and do what it takes to be a winner and a gamer. That, to me, is the best compliment you can give somebody -- that he's a gamer. He knows how to play the game and he plays hard.

DP: Do most players resent the Yankees?
DM: I don't know how other people feel, but I don't. I did growing up ... I was like, man, they can go out and get whoever they want. But they're very smart at what they do. They don't necessarily get the best player. They get the best player that fits what they're trying to do.
DP: Why don't you resent them?
DM: I respect them more than any team in the big leagues because they go about their business. They respect the game. They play the game hard and you respect that. They work their butts off... and they win the right way, to me. They always seem to find a way, and that's what baseball's all about. There are going to be games when you beat them, yet they come back the next day with the same mentality. ... They know how to win together, and that unity they have, that love they have for each other -- it's just respect. That's a great word for them. They respect the game and that's why they have so much success.
DP: Do you think most players were happy they actually lost the World Series?
DM: I was because I wanted to see Grace win a World Series ring. I wanted to see Mike Morgan and Greg Swindell win a ring. I wanted to see guys like Curt Schilling and Randy Johnson win. ... I played with Morgan for a little while, I played with Swindell in spring training -- there are a lot of guys who were Twins who were with them. It was like, man, that's pretty cool -- and who knows. They might not get another chance, you know? It was a great World Series regardless of who won or lost. ... It's like you almost take for granted the Yankees are going to be there every year, and to see those guys win it and the way they won it was awesome.

DP: Did you tell your new teammates to rent or buy in Minnesota?
DM: I would say rent. Rent and just take a six-month lease and see what happens. I wouldn't be purchasing anything. I don't know what's going to happen, but at least we have one more year ... I think we've gained a lot of fans outside of Minnesota. I think we've become a team where everybody wants to pull for us because we're the underdogs, and we're not expected to do anything, and we might not have a team next year. ... They gave us one more year. We've got to try to do everything we possibly can to make it hard for them to get rid of us. I'm not saying we're going to run away with the division, because we're not. But let's make it hard on everybody in decision-making to get rid of us. It's going to be hard to get rid of a team that played the way we played last year ... it's up to us now.
DP: Well, you guys outdrew the White Sox.
DM: Yes, but...
DP: I mean, that's what I don't understand. I said they were wrong to try to contract the Twins, but they seemed just hell-bent on doing that ... maybe it was easier because they felt if they do it in Minnesota and Montreal, then nobody's really going to care. If you did it in Chicago, then there'd be this outcry in the media.
DM: Right. If they came up with this idea a couple of years ago, I don't think anybody would have said anything. It wouldn't have been so tough to do because we weren't doing very well. We dropped our payroll to $16 million and they gave all the young guys opportunities to play up here, you know. I don't think people would have fought so hard to keep us. But now, we finally see that we're making some progress, and we have a chance to win every night we step on the field. ... What makes it so hard is the fact that we've all played together -- for the most part this whole group has played together since, like, '96-'97 when we were in the minor leagues. Now we've got a chance to show what we can do in the big leagues and kind of put Minnesota back on the map. People in Minnesota have been deprived for a while, but now our team is pretty damn good and they're trying to rip it away from us.
DP: Yes. I hope that doesn't happen.

DP: What did you think when the Indians traded Roberto Alomar?
DM: They're still going to be good, but I was like, man, there goes one of the Twins-killers right there. He murdered us. I'm so glad he's out. I mean, we've still got to play him this year, but at least it's only three games. He can't beat us up for 19 games.
DP: He's so good.
DM: He really is. And he's a hell of a guy too. I mean, we talked about hitting so many times at first, and he's just a genuine nice guy -- he's one of the first few guys who came up after the Olympics, you know ... and I didn't even know other guys paid attention to that. He was like, "Man, you did really well." And Juan Gonzalez too. Juan's been a nice guy since I was up in '99 when I was struggling. He was always saying, "Your time will come -- you'll be OK. Your swing looks better." Wow, I thought. Someone in the big leagues -- Juan Gonzalez -- told me I'm going to be OK. And Chili Davis sticks out in my head. He did that when he played for New York ... to me that's what the big leagues are all about. You respect the guys you play with who try to help each other out. The main one -- I mean, Jason Giambi was my hitting coach in '99. In between BPs, he'd come over and we'd talk about it, and he didn't know me from Adam. You know, he saw me struggle a little bit, and he took the time to talk to me about a few things. ... To me he should be the MVP every year. He should have been the MVP last year.
DP: Over Ichiro?
DM: Yes.
DP: You have a problem with that?
DM: I have a major problem with that.
DP: How come?
DM: I mean, here's a guy that has better numbers than he had the year before. That team fed off him ... and he's just a genuine good guy. Ichiro, what he does is phenomenal. Don't get me wrong. But to me, you look at pure hitter. Giambi can't run at all and he hit .345.

DP: Did you have any conversations with Ichiro at first base?
DM: He just kind of said, "What up?" It got to the point where we tried to teach each other a new word. He'd come up to first, and I'd say, "Tell me something in Japanese." And I would repeat it. And I would say to him, "What's up Doug." He'd come back again after his ninth hit against us, and he'd go, "What's up Doug?" What amazes me is how intelligent he is ... Ichiro's focus on deck is what sticks out in my mind. Not just the way he plays the game -- because he plays the game right -- but you watch him, when he's up at the plate his eyes are so focused and he's so relaxed. And that's how you have to hit. You have to be that way. You have to be loose and you have to slow everything down. And I'll tell you one thing: I wouldn't want to play Ichiro in a ping-pong contest because his hand-eye coordination is tremendous.
DP: Pretty quick down the line too.
DM: Yes, very. I told him that too. I just want to run like him one time in my life.

DP: Tell me the guy you look forward to getting to first to either start a conversation or continue one.
DM: I would say Giambi or Jim Thome. Jim Thome will pick up on the word that you left him at -- it could have been three innings ago, and he keeps going. Thome ... is genuinely the nicest person that's ever put cleats on.
DP: He is, he is.
DM: He comes over to you and he's never in a rush: "How are you, it's great to see you." The first-base coach is trying to get his attention, and he's just -- there's nobody else around but me and him. And he's like, "Man, his slider's nasty." I talk a lot; I talk to everybody who comes to first. He's just like I am.

DP: Who comes to first and doesn't want anything to do with you?
DM: Hmm, let's see. I'm trying to go through the teams ... I would say, let's see, Kenny Lofton or Omar Vizquel. They don't ever say anything.
DP: Nothing?
DM: Nothing. Vizquel won't say anything.
DP: Like you could say, "Hey Omar," or "Nice hit," or...
DM: I always say, "That's the way to swing it." I don't know if it's tense because of the competition or they just don't like me, but they're pretty quiet. They don't really say much.
DP: Rickey Henderson?
DM: Never played against him.