Dan Patrick drops his skillz on Cynthia Cooper
DP: Hi, Cynthia.
CC: Hey, Dan. What's with your voice? Sounds like they turned up the
DP: I've got a Barry White-type sound going for you. Can you dig it?
CC: If I woke up with a voice like that, I'd get some sinus medicine or
DP: Okay, so you should know, I'm pretty down on women's hoops.
CC: That's because when you were young, a lady took you to the hole and you never forgave her for that.
DP: I think she played at Immaculata. Could you
score on Shaq?
CC: Absolutely. I would blow by Shaq. When he'd try to block
my shot, I'd fake him and lay it in just like all girls do, because we play
under the rim.
DP: Do female athletes have groupies?
CC: Oh, yeah, we have people who hang out at the hotels. But I have a boyfriend, so, of course, I personally don't put myself in that situation.
DP: Uh-huh. But has a guy...
CC: Has a guy given me his phone number? All the time. After a game,
after practice, in the mall. "Give me a call, baby."
DP: You've been to the White House twice. Did the commander in chief get
frisky with you?
CC: No, but when I shook his hand, he wiped his lip. He told
me that he cut himself shaving. I told him it really was an elbow I gave him
when he tried to post me up.
DP: Did he slip you a phone number?
CC: No, because Hillary is my girl. He's afraid I would spill the beans.
DP: Since you speak fluent Italian, how do you say that you're going to
pick up the check?
CC: Prendeṛ la fattura. But you know, I'm not a feminist. I want to be
respected as a woman, and paid equally as a man. But you can still open the
door for me and pay the check.
DP: Lay some lyrics on me from your record that's coming out.
CC: "When you're standing on the top, everybody want to know you, overthrow you, even try to roll you. But it ain't like that, so you better step back..."
DP: I'd like to do some freestyling right now: "My name is Dan,
I'm a basketball fan. When ladies see me, they say I'm the man."
CC: Scratch, scratch. Wicki, wicki.
DP: Why don't you guys wear those short shorts like John Stockton?
CC: Why don't we just put on tights, a sports bra and tattoo the numbers on our backs and call it a day?
DP: Now we're talking.
CC: And have men play in jockstraps. No shirt, because we like hairy
chests. I think the NBA would gain a couple more fans if they were more
DP: That idea needs some work.
This article appears in the July 24 issue of ESPN The Magazine.